True nature of the Jutsu
by tears of a mermaid
Summary: Uzumaki Naruto! I hear by sentance you to one year in this form!" You would of thought that I, Uzumaki Naruto, would of been smart enough to not of done the sexy jutsu in front of Obaa-chan Tsunade...Apparently not. Why is it always me? Yaoi Sasu/Naru
1. Chapter 1

**Me:** We'll, here's a little Naruto story that my friend Ranma helped me think up. Thanks for the inspiration Ranma!

**Naruto:** Mermaid does not own Naruto in anyway possible! And she never will…If she did I believe most of the male population would be gay…

**Me:** I resent that Naruto! Not all of the male population…Just most of them….

**Temari:** Do you not think you should be getting on with your story instead of wasting you're time talking to the shrimp?

**Naruto:** SHRIMP?!

**Me:** You're quite right Temari…Then…Let us begin!

* * *

**Chapter one: I remember.**

(**Naruto's P.O.V)**

"Naruto Uzumaki! I here by sentence you to one year in this form!"

And that's how it all began…

I never planned this you know. You would of thought that Naruto Uzumaki, future Hokage to Konoha , would of thought better then to do the 'Sexy Jutsu' with granny Tsunade around…

I mean, it wasn't exactly my fault! I was provoked! Dattebayo!

So I guess I better tell you what happened right?

It all started this morning, your average morning...

I had made myself a pot ramen for breakfast, miso flavour, my favorite! Although it would have been better without the three minute wait…

After having my ramen and milk for breakfast I had headed down to the training grounds to meet with Sensei, the wonderful Sakura and…Sasuke-teme, how I hate that Uchiha…

I was waiting patiently for sensei to arrive when I thought I'd try and make conversation with Sasuke to lighten the mood…That and the fact he was the only one here and I couldn't stand the silence anymore…

So yer, I was going about my business, just trying to strike up conversation when all of a sudden Sasuke just point blankly insulted me! How dare he insult me! Me! I was only being nice!.

"Hm. Dobe."

"Wanna say that again Sasuke-teme?!" I growled out getting in his face, I know that irritates him.

"What? Were you too slow to catch it last time? D.O.B.E!"

"THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU!" Ok so at this point I had officially lost my cool, I guess it was because Sakura-chan wasn't there to keep me calm…

I remember that it was like slow motion, I had launched myself at him, pinning him to the ground and when I had turned to face him, he still had that arrogant smirk of his on his face…I would just love to wipe that smirk off! **(Me:** Oh really Naruto? And in what way exactly? ((wink wink)) / **Naruto:** Stop it you Yaoi freak!)

I remember Sasuke had flipped me over so he was then on top (**Naruto:** You say anything to the sentence mermaid! And i wont be held responsible for my actions/ **Me:** Hey, you're the one that just thought it! not me!) and I saw him pull the kunai from his back pocket. I remember feeling the cool metal pressed lightly against my neck.

"Who wins yet again Dobe?"

"You think you've one? Don't make me laugh teme!"

"And what is someone as high and mighty as you going to do about it?!" Sasuke had growled that out at me challenging, and i could feel my anger beginning to rise.

I remember his cold eyes staring right into my glistening blue ones.

"Take you down that's what Sasuke!" I growled out as I immediately kicked him off me with my feet.

Yet again me and Sasuke had somehow ended up in a fight, we both had are kunai's out, pressed against each others as we pushed all are strength into them, trying to overpower the other...I don't even know why Sasuke-teme was even trying! i was so going to kick ass and win!

We both gave one final shove and jumped back a few feet, placing are Kunai's in front of us protectively, i could feel Sasuke's intense glare borring a hole in me even from this distance...Wow...That guy really needs to chill...he's far to uptight!

Suddenly i found a kunai coming my way and let a string of some rather nasty words leave my mouth as i tried to dodge all the kunai and shuriken Sasuke was throwing at me, jumping into the air to avoid a low thrown one before landing back down and ducking to avoid another...Damn Sasuke's aim...I'm still better Dammit!

After dodging all of the kunai i proceeded to grab my own kunai, smirking slightly as i thought of a plan in my head that may leave the uchiha stunned...

Throwing a kunai i watched as the uchiha reflected it aim with his own weapon before i proceeded to throw five more at him, making the sign for the shadow clone jutsu as i whispered the words under my breath so only i could hear.

The Uchiha just smirked that cocky arrogant smirk again, and i found the temptation to just walk up to him and punch him rising...

I let my own smirk cover my face as the kunai suddenly multiplied into hundreds before they all immediately turned into my clones and launched themselves upon Sasuke, effectively bundling him...Serves the damn teme right, no one should under-estimate Uzumaki Naruto! No one!

Suddenly i heard what could only be described as thousands of birds chirping, you know the high squeaky kinda chirps, and i stood still for a second trying to work out what the heck it was before my eyes widened and i watched in slight horror as all my clones were thrown off of Sasuke in a blue of blue, disappearing in a puff of smoke...

As i looked back at Sasuke i saw he had begun to charge a second Chidori up and i gulped slightly before my eyes widened as he began to charge at me, sparks of blue lightning coming from the Chidori...

"Ah Crap..." I mumbled before i made sign for another clone jutsu and immediately powered up my own Rasengan and began to run at Sasuke. Hm, i wonder if Sakura was going to just randomly pop out of nowhere again like last time and stop are match...

It didn't look like it as are two jutsu's clashed and we both tried desperately to over power each other again.

Suddenly we found are selves thrown back from the force, i found myself flung into a near by tree, my back aching as it came into contact with the hard bark.

As i shook of the sudden dizziness, i looked up so see Sasuke standing up and making his hand signs for a jutsu...I wondered what jutsu he was going to use until he yelled the words.

"Fire style, Phoenix fireball jutsu!"

I cringed at those words before registering that they were being aimed at me.

"Shit!"

I waited for the impact, but finding none i looked up to see a figure in front of me, on closer inspection the said figure appeared to be Kakashi...Ah thanks Sensei!...Wait a minute...Sensei just caught us fighting didn't he? ... Ah crap busted!

I smiled sheepishly as Kakashi looked at me with his one visible eye, clearly showing he was slightly irritated as he grabbed me by the hand and proceeded to drag me over to where Sasuke was sitting, fuming on the ground.

"A-ah sensei! how nice to see you! nice weather huh?"

"Mm, yes lovely weather Naruto, the bright warm sun is really something huh?...Now...WHY THE HECK WHERE YOU TWO FIGHTING AGAIN?!" I cringed as Sensei took a sudden tone with us, and i could swear i saw thunder crack in the distance...

"Erm...well...you see...hehe...funny story really...IT'S ALL SASUKE-TEME'S FAULT!"

"Naruto, Hokage-sama will see you now." Shizune said politely as she beckoned me in, smiling in sympathy.

"And don't do anything silly, she's in a rather bad tempered mood Naruto-kun."

"SHIZUNE! I HEARD THAT! GET ME SOME SAKE-I MEAN TEA! NOW!" A yell was thrown at Shizune from the hokages room and i watched as the poor women stuttered a reply to her hokage before running out to get some Sake for Obaa-chan.

"NARUTO! GET IN HERE NOW!"

"Alright already Obaa-chan!"

"If you have a death wish kid, your doing a great job of making it come true..." Tsunade growled at me as i walked into her room and stood in front of her desk. I figured Sasuke had already been given his punishment and had gone of to mope around somewhere, heh, stupid Sasuke-teme.

Looking around the room i noticed Iruka standing off quietly in the far of corner, looking rather disappointed in me, and i smiled sheepishly towards him before he shook his head.

"The fifth time this week...Fifth time you and Sasuke have gotten into rather serious fights...If you cannot get along, then we shall force you too! i hear by sentence you to two months of community service at the academy! you will hear by be under Iruka's supervision, anything he tells you to do you must obey! from scrubbing the toilets, to cleaning the graffiti off of the walls, all of these tasks shall be done by hand, and to make sure you don't use any jutsu's to help...A binding jutsu shall be placed on you to restrict your chakra from being used!" Tsuanade almost yelled at me, an edge to her voice.

S-she was going to do WHAT?! No! She cant! without my chakra i cant be a proper ninja...all my skills...gone! no way! I'm not going to stand for this!

So i was going to do what any upstanding ninja in my position would do.

"Iruka sensei! please no! not my chakra dammit! that's my life! come on sensei! i thought you cared about me! You can let Obaa-chan do this to me!" I practically got on my hands and knee's in front of Iruka and begged, hopefully trying to make him feel the slightest bit if sympathy for me.

"I'm sorry Naruto...But orders are orders. I cannot disobey the ho-"

At that moment i formed my hands for my ultimate justu and shouted the words for it before anyone could stop be.

"Transform! Sexy Jutsu style!"

I stood in front of Iruka in my female self, blushing slightly to give it more effect as i bowed in front of Iruka.

"P-please Iruka sensei, don't let them take the only think i have left from me...Please?" I asked in my quiet female voice, tears appearing in the corners of my eyes as i mustered my cutest pout.

"Ill do anything...Anything Iruka-sensei" I replied again, putting some female emphasis into the 'sensei'.

Needless to say Iruka was bowled over...literally, he fell to the ground in a heap of twitches and blood that fell from his nose.

I got down on my hands and knee's so i could stare Iruka in the eye.

"Please? Pretty please? with maybe, a cherry on top?"

At that point, i think Iruka had died from blood loss...Eh, how pervy sage would be proud of me...

"UZUMAKI!"

Shit...Obaa-chans still around!

"What...What is this monstrosity?!"

"Erm, i call it my sexy technique..."

"This is a disgrace to all female kunoinchi! For this Uzumaki, your punishment will be much worse...Oh believe me kid, much worse. I hear by sentence you to one whole year in this form! along with community sentence!" I watched in horror as Obaa-chan performed some seals before slamming her palm to my stomach, winding me slightly before i looked up at her in shock.

I tried to release my jutsu, but it wouldn't...Oh my god! what am i gonna do!? I know! ill just transform into something else! Ha! i bet the old bat didn't think of that one!

Once again i made the signs for the transformation jutsu and tried to summon up my chakra...Notice the word tried in that sentence...

I couldn't even muster one ounce of chakra...Could this possibly get any worse?

"You are to go and apologies to Sasuke, form what i heard you initiated the fight." Tsuande said to me, a smile on her face as she looked at me through a cocky gaze.

"A-apologise?!" Ah crap, i still have a stupid high pitched voice! ah dammit! i cant apologies to Sasuke-teme like this! can you immagine the humiliation?! scrap that! I cant apologies to that teme at all! i have my dignity after all.

"NOW UZUMAKI!"

"Yes maam!" Ah snap.

I was thrown some rather girly clothes to put on and with that i was practically thrown out of Tsunade's office. Damn Obaa-chan.

"Dammit Iruka man! pull yourself together! your a meant to be a fine upstanding Konoha shinobi." I heard a smack that echoed through the hallways and i had to smile. Oh well, at least Iruka-sensei got lectured too, heh, and he's a teacher too...

I rounded the corner looking for the damned Uchiha, fuming, normally i would look pissed off so people would avoid me, but at this point in time, being in my female form, my pissed of face was considered rather 'adorable' as some people put it.

So lets start again, as i walked around Konoha looking for the uchiha, i was being stalked by pervy men.

"Back off Ya bastards!" I yelled at them as i threw some shuriken at them, luckily, Tsunade didn't keep my weapons, something about how i would be more vulnerable in this form...Whatever that means.

"Sasuke?! SASUKE?! DAMMIT SASUKE WERE ARE YOU?!" I screamed out as i placed my hands around my mouth and yelled as loud as i could.

Thanks to my clear hearing a heard a muttered.

"Ah hell no, not a fangirl" From the distance, and as i ran i saw Sasuke about to run for it.

"DAMMIT YOU TE'ME! DON'T TAKE ANOTHER STEP UCHIHA OR ILL KICK YOUR ASS IN!"

At this Sasuke actually listened to me for once and stopped, and turned to face me...Shocked.

"Naruto?"

"No shit sherlock..."

I could see Sasuke's lips twitching up wards as he tried to keep down a smirk, but his eyes shew it all.

"Dammit Uchiha this isn't funny! i'm a freaking women for pete's sake!"

"I can clearly see that...Naruto..."

"If you'd stop your bloody smirking for a freaking second, i have something to tell you! baka!"

"Usuratonkachi."

"Teme-Wait, quit it! this is what got us into this mess in the first place!"

"Hm, for once your using that non-existent brain of your i see." Sasuke replied to me as he just stared at me blankly.

"Look, shut up and listen will ya?! Tsunade said i had to apologies-"

I saw the smirk finally make it's way to his pale face, and i felt my left eye twitch slightly, before i smiled sweetly at him, hey, being like this has it's perks you know?

I got closer to him, my smile still on my face as i once again plastered a fake blush to my face.

"But you know what Sasuke-kun?"

I laughed silently in my head at the look on Sasuke's face, he looked very confused and freaked out at this moment.

"I'M NOT FREAKING GONNA TEME!" I yelled in his ear before walking off and leaving Sasuke still cringing.

I smiled brightly as i continued walking away from the stunned Uchiha before someone suddenly slammed me into the nearest wall.

"You do that again Usuratonkachi and i'll-"

"Oh please Sasuke-kun! not in public! you're sure being a naughty boy aren't you?" I said in a very innocent voice as i looked at the shocked and quite red face of Sasuke before looking to see the rather stunned faces of some couples walking past rather quickly.

"Such a crude young man to try and do that to such a lovely innocent girl!" The lady whispered to her partner as they continued to walk along.

"Hey honey, what every floats it for him." The man chuckled as he placed his arm around her waist and they walked of into the distance.

While Sasuke was still stunned i took this as my chance to slip from his grasp and make a run for it, still laughing insanely in my mind as i made for my house.

Sure, i was now female...But one thing was for sure, i was going to enjoy torturing Sasuke like this...Oh yes...

Thing's were about to get very interesting.

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**Me:** And that's the first chapter, please let me know what you think, criticism is much appreciated as i know i have grammar and spelling problems...dammit.

Anyway thanks for reading, and i hope you enjoyed it.


	2. Chapter 2

**True nature of the jutsu.**

**Chapter 2.**

**Me:** We'll hello everyone! and welcome back! I'd like to take a moment of your time to thank the reviewers who took the time to review this story, it was nice to know people liked it. Cookies for you all!

**Naruto:** Who are you and what have you done with Mermaid?!

**Me:** What are you talking about? I am Mermaid...

**Naruto:** By now Mermaid would of at least hit Sasuke over the head with an inflatable hammer and called me an idiot at least ten times!

**Me:** Aww, Naru-Naru I'd never do that!...Now if you go into the room back there there's some Ramen waiting for you!

**Naruto:** Ramen?! Awesome! (**Goes into room)**

**Me: (Slams door behind him and locks it, hearing Sasuke's evil perverted laughter and Naruto's cries of help.)** Aww, they really love each other! Anyway on with the story!

* * *

**Chapter 2: embarrassment all round!**

Ok, so today was finally the day i started community service...Why do they call it that? It's not like I'm doing this of my own free will, which apparently to Tsunade Baa-chan is non-existent to her.

I mean for the love of Ramen this is basically slavery! ...Just without the chains and stuff...

I stared at my reflection in the mirror, my long blond pigtails cascaded down either side of me as i straightened out my orange and blue outfit that somewhat hide my womanly figure. Hell, Tsunade baa-chan may have control over my gender, but there's no way I'd ever let her have control over my clothes...Dattebayo.

So as i "admired" my new reflection i realized something...I wasn't wearing my forehead protector...

"Oh no! where is it! I cant be a ninja without it! I'll just be a plain old male...wait female...Ah crap! And it's the one Iruka-sensei gave me!"

I began a frantic search of the house, yelling out in pain as random things fell on me, or when i bumped my head on something...damn table...it always had it in for me.

Falling over for what seemed like the millionth bloody time that morning i realized something...maybe i should look on top of stuff instead of under it...

And there, shinning in all it's glory, mainly cause the sun was reflecting off of it, was my forehead protector, but it looked like it was being used as a weight to hold down a piece of paper.

Who the hell had written to me of all people? more importantly...How did they get in?!

And that's when i noticed i hadn't looked the window last night.

"I'm starting to think i should lock that at night...It's a bloody beacon just welcoming people in! Like that time Kakashi-sensei crept in and tried to feed my fruit..."

I shivered at the thought of fruit...And the thought of how Kakashi had tried to take my Ramen from me before i picked up the note and began to read it.e each other...On with the story!

Chapter 2: Points.

Ok, so today was finally the day i started community service...Why do they call it that? It's not like I'm doing this of my own free

_Naruto -kun_

_I heard about your punishment, and thought I'd just wish you luck, you are my pupil after all, and this will be your toughest challenge yet._

_Your challenge...Is to survive Sasuke will in this form. And if he says he wishes to re-populate his clan with you..._

_Should that ever happen._

_Run._

_Run for the hills...And don't look back! _

_Oh! and one more thing!_

_Jairiya-sama says he'll be popping round for a bit later on for some research for his wonderful new book..._

_I've also left some fruit on the table to start your day of in a healthy way! Before i go though, Iruka wishes to say something._

_So Ja!_

_Kakashi-sensei._

God! What's with Kakashi-sensei and fruit?! I'm perfectly fine with my Ramen and milk! They say a good meal makes a great ninja...And just look at me!...I think maybe Kakashi-sensei should lay of the fruit and eat more Ramen...He could be so much better if he ate right! But going back to the letter...

_Ohio Naruto-kun!_

_Today's the day you and Sasuke start out with me!_

We'll done Iruka-sensei! Only two seconds into writing and you've already ruined my day by mentioning that Team's name!

_And I have to say I'm quite excited about you working with me again Naruto-kun!_

Yer I bet you are Iruka-sensei! Only cause I'll be working with you in my sexy jutsu form for the whole damn time! Perv.

_I realized we haven't spent some quality time together in a long while, so it'll be nice to catch up with you again, I've really missed are little chats._

_However if this experience turns out to be a repeat of you academy days...I wont be held responsible for my actions._

_Anyway maybe i can treat you to Ramen from Chirico after we finish the days work...But only if you promise to behave and work hard._

_Do your best Naruto-kun_

_Iruka._

Ah dammit Iruka-sensei! Now I'm all emotional! Damn this stupid female form! I'm getting too emotional like this!

Oh we'll, if it's for Ramen I'll do just about anything!...Wait...Wouldn't what Iruka said be classed as bribery?!

* * *

As i made my way to the academy i saw Iruka-sensei waiting for me and the entrance with the same soft smile on his face that i used to see in my academy days.

"Ohio Naruto-kun!" I found myself brought into an embrace and i knew he was doing this to try and grope me a bit...damn, he's almost as bad and Jairiya...Okay maybe not that bad...

"Neh neh, were you at Kakashi sensei's again this morning Iruka-sensei?" I questioned him as I smiled up sweetly to him, inwardly grinning like a mad man.

I felt Iruka freeze up in our embrace before he released me and chuckled nervously, avoiding eye contact with me at all cost...So he was at Kakashi-sensei's was he?

"Naruto whatever gave you that idea?"

"The letter was written in the same type of pen, and by the way Kakashi spoke in the letter it implied that you were with him. And i naturally know that Kakashi-sensei does not leave his house before 10am on a day when he has no missions...So it naturally implies the two of you were together! Silly Sensei!" I replied as i let a light high pitched giggle leave my lips, covering it up with my hands to make me seem more innocent.

"Your alot smarter then people give you credit for...However i was just round Kakashi's for a friendly chat and refreshments."

At this point i find that highly unbelievable.

"Silly Iruka-sensei. I think there was alot more going on then just talking and refreshments!" I giggled again and blushed slightly before flicking one of my long pig tails over my left shoulder, smiling sweetly at him before I turned to walk in.

3...2...1

"Naruto!"

Mission 'trick Iruka' successful!

I turned round to see Iruka staring at me angrily and i let a Cheshire grin cross my face.

"How dare you imply such things!"

"Ano? I'm sorry Iruka-sensei! Was i being a naughty girl? I better be punished then!" I replied as i got on my hands and knee's and stared up at Iruka-sensei with a fake blush.

It took about three seconds for blood to come shooting out of his nose like a waterfall before he fell over twitching violently. And in the time i had gotten up, dusted myself off, stepped over Iruka-sensei and laughed insanely at him and walked inside the academy he was finally able to compose himself...but only slightly.

Naruto 1.

Iruka-sensei 0.

* * *

Why toilets? Why the bloody toilets?! This is punishment isn't it? For the whole conversation and refreshments thing wasn't it? Was it really so bad to expose Iruka-sensei for the hidden perv he was?

Looking over my shoulder i saw Sasuke making a start on his third toilet and watched him grimace for the fifth time, so I let a content smile reach my lips. Hey, as long as he was suffering I was happy.

"Oi! Dobe! What did you do to Iruka to make him give us the worst possible task? And on the first day."

"Te'me! For your information i didn't do anything! He obviously didn't get enough sleep last night, staying at Kakashi-sensei's and everything!"

I stuck my tongue out at him childishly, standing up and placing my hands on my hips, causing my long hair to sway side to side.

I rolled my eyes at the Uchiha as i took a step forward...but somehow i managed to step into a puddle of water and lose my footing...Who the he'll put that there?!

I closed my eyes and waited for the impact...And it all seemed to go in slow motion, i began falling before i heard a bucket being knocked over and scrambling from Sasuke's position, and before i knew it i felt two arms around my slim waist, stopping me in mid-fall. You know it was a bit like one of those moments in the cheesy novels where everything goes in slow motion and the characters hair swishes in slow motion and leaves go up around them even though there inside of in a desert or something stupid like that.

"U-Usurutonkachi! Look were you're stepping next time!" Opening one of my eyes i peered up into cerulean black eyes that only belong to that bastard Uchiha and my eyes widened slightly.

"What? Not even a thank you? I just saved you...Again..." And that's when i noticed that cocky smirk occupying his face and glared up at him slightly.

Normally in the cheesy novel the gentlemen would of asked the damsel if she was alright and then they would of stared lovingly into each others eyes before engaging in a passionate kiss.

"Sasuke...YOUR GROPING ME!"

Good job this wasn't one of them then hey?

Uzumaki Naruto 1.

Uchiha Sasuke 0.

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**Me:** We'll i hope you all enjoyed that! and please let me know what you think? Or maybe you have some humorous idea's that could cause a embarrassing scene for Sasuke again. Because we all know a embarrassed Uchiha makes a happy Naruto! 


	3. Chapter 3

**Me:**We'll third chapter! And I'd like to apologise. It seems there was a few errors in the second chapter were the writing had got moved about and the sentences didn't make sense. Gomen! I swear it wasn't like that when I wrote it!

**Temari:**And on behalf of 'ddd' Yes, Iruka is bi.

**Naruto:**We once again say thanks to Ranma-sama for putting this idea into mermaids head (_mumbles_, how could you do such a thing Ranma?)

**Me:**Yer! You rock Ranma! I shall now call you Ranma-sensei for you are a teacher!

**Temari:**Mermaid doesn't'own Naruto, nor will she ever while I'm around because I know for a fact if she did, my youngest brother would be gay…

**Me:**Damn right! Gaara/lee forever!

**Chapter 3; Ramen, Fangirls and an irritated Uchiha.**

"Naruto-kun, Sasuke-san, the days over. Both of you thank you for your hard work. To show you my gratitude I'd like to treat both of you to some ramen from Ichiraku."

I grinned up at Iruka as he looked at me, jumping for joy at the thought of my beloved ramen. Oh my god! What flavour am I going to have?! Alright, calm down Naruto…

Now, there's Miso…Or beef, maybe chicken or shrimp…Ah what the hell I'll just have all of them!

I grinned at my ingenious idea before something…Or should I say someone, brought me crashing back down to earth.

"I'm going home." Dammit you bloody ego-centric Uchiha!

"What's the matter?! Too good to eat with us?! Te'me!"

I saw the small smirk rise to his pale face and I began to feel my left eye twitch in irritation as he turned his back and began to walk away…

Must. Not. Rasengan.

"I'll tell your fangirls where you live!" Sasuke stopped briefly before shaking my comment off and continuing to walk. Good, he was slowly beginning to crack. Just one more should do it.

"I'll tell Sakura and Ino that you think there the most gorgeous things you have ever seen and you want to re-populate your clan with them…Oh just think of the cat fight they'd get in over you…And then all the trouble you'd get in afterwards!" A huge Cheshire grin spread across my face as my eyes narrowed as I saw Sasuke sigh and stop, turning round to face me irritated.

"Fine." I, am so good!

"Neh neh! Come on Iruka-sensei! Lets go get some Ramen! Come on!" I grabbed Iruka sensei's hand and began pulling him along, turning around to notice the slight dazed look on his face and the small blush. Dammit! Stop thinking perverted thoughts.

I 'bopped' Iruka-sensei on the head, giving him a slight glare before shouting in his ears.

"Dammit man! Pull yourself together! What happened to being a fine, upstanding Konoha shinobi?!"

I began to walk along out the door, choosing to glace over my shoulder to stare at Sasuke who was trailing behind miserably, his hands stuffed in his pocket and his infamous Uchiha glare on full throttle.

He is so pissed…And all thanks to me…I rock!

* * *

"OK folks, What will it be?"

I almost drooled at the smell of the ramen coming from the back of the ramen stand, rubbing my hands together in delight at the thought of what I was going to have first…

"Miso special Jii-chan!"

"I'll have a chicken please." Damn Iruka, not a special or anything? How boring!

"Plain." I stand corrected…

Halfway through are conversation of what other torture we'd be enduring at the academy my heart almost stopped at I heard the shriek of a harpy who'd just found her next victim.

"Sasuke-kun!" A blur of blond flashed past me and latched itself onto Sasuke's arm, giggling insanely as she squeezed his arm . I noticed Sasuke's annoyed expression and came to the conclusion Sasuke had just lost all feeling in his left arm…How funny.

"Oh Sasuke-kun! Your so strong and handsome!"

"Get. Of. Me." Wow, the infamous Sasuke growl and glare, and she's still not moving. Kudos to that girl for being so brave!

"Ano, sorry to interrupt you're lovers quarrel, but Sasuke's arm looks like it's about to drop off, and he kind of needs that arm to be a ninja…" I mumbled to the blond fangirl who was still dangling from Sasuke's slightly blue arm.

The girl immediately stopped her giggling and turned to face me, a sharp glare in her eyes. So, her ugly side was coming out was it?

I suddenly took note on how everything had gone silent, even Iruka-sensei had stopped slurping on his noodles to listen.

"And what is someone as '_High and mighty' _as you going to do about it? Little bitch!"

I cringed as the fangirl got a crazy glint in her eyes and smirked down at me…Damn…The things they do for there precious Sasuke…

"I doubt Sasuke Would even look at you, let alone date you!"

"Actually…I'd rather date her then you…" I heard Sasuke growl threateningly at the girl in front of him that had finally released his arm…Ouch Sasuke, that's a bit harsh…Then again with the mood I had already put him in…It's expected…Wait a second! Did he just say he's rather date me?!

"B-but Sasuke-kun…" The girl looked like she was on the brink of tears before she turned and faced me, raising her right arm as she glared.

"Stupid slut! What did you do to Sasuke-kun? You did something didn't you?!" She screamed at me enraged as she began to bring her arm down, of course I just sat there and blinked, I endure Sakura's punches, wasn't like a slap was going to do anything…

I watched as her palm outstretch and suddenly thought that this might just sting a little…

I flinched as I waited for the impact, but finding none I glanced up to find Sasuke had grabbed her wrist and had proceeded to twist it behind her back in an antagonizing position.

The girl whimpered out in pain as Sasuke pushed harder on her arm, glaring down at her…He seriously needs to mellow out.

"Do not touch my team-mate!"

"Gomen-nasai Sasuke-kun! I-I didn't know she was your team-mate!"

"Next time you should find out the facts before you raise your hand to somebody to strike them." I blinked in shock at Sasuke's words before he released the girl and she clutched her arm, scampering away crying.

Dammit he didn't need to go that far! Dammit he didn't need to damn well do that at all! I'm not helpless! I can take care of myself! I'm not some invalid now! I'm not a petty female that needs to be protected 24/7!

"Dammit Sasuke! You preach about stuff and then you do the exact opposite! I might be female but I'm not a freaking invalid! I can take care of myself you bastard Uchiha!"

Suddenly I found myself reaching for Iruka-sensei's Sake as my temper rose quickly, picking up the Sake and pouring it over the Uchiha's head.

Needless to say he tried to shout in surprise but instead ended up chocking on a mouthful of ramen.

"Te'me!" I shouted at him before I walked out of the Ichiraku stand.

In the distance I could hear Iruka-sensei patting Sasuke on the back to try and get him to stop chocking before Jii-chan, the owner of the shop, handed the bill to Iruka, causing Iruka to also attempt to shout in surprise but instead mimicked Sasuke's actions and started chocking on his own Ramen.

What can I say? I like my Ramen.

**Me:**Okay, so that's the third chapter, hope it was okay. I'd love to know what you guys think, or maybe you have a wacky idea on what type of revenge Naruto should exact on Sasuke next, anyway, feedbacks much appriciated!


	4. Chapter 4

**Me:**We'll, here's chapter 4. And thanks to everyone who reviewed! Especially those who came up with some fantastic ideas! Also, it seems a couple of you thought that the blonde fan-girl in the previous chapter was Ino. I'd like to correct you all and say it was not Ino Yamanaka, but just a random Sasuke fan-girl. Sorry for the miss-understanding.

**Naruto:**We once again say thanks to Ranma-Sensei! Thanks!

**Sasuke:** Mermaid owns nothing apart from the plot…Thank god!

**Me:**Sasuke? And Naruto?…IN THE SAME ROOM? !

**Naruto:**Oh for the love of Ramen, She's going fan-girl. We better start this before-

**Me:** KISS DAMMIT!

**Naruto:** Too late…

* * *

**Chapter 4; because you're a girl dobe!**

_'smack'_

I groaned as I rubbed my head. Unfortunately is had just come into contact with my floor…Damn floor! Who put that there?!

I looked up to my bed, noticing my crumpled sheets and pillows that had somehow ended up down the other end of the bed sometime during the night…Hmm…must've fallen out.

Sighing I slowly stood up, stretching my arms above my head before bringing them round and back down to my sides, it always feels good to stretch first thing in the morning…

I reached for my hairbrush on my nightstand and walked over to my long mirror, running it threw my long blonde hair pondering on what to do with my hair today.

Now, should I wear it up? In pigtails or a ponytail, or leave it down? I could possibly just tie the end of it up, to let it hang loosely…hmm…

Pigtails give me more of a naughty school girl look, but wearing it down makes me look more elegant…

Hold on…Why am I damn well thinking about hairstyles?!

Needless to say I chose to wear it down today, not because I couldn't decide on a hairstyle, but just because I really couldn't be bothered to tie it up…

Looking at my reflection in the mirror I cringed…I hated being female…I want to be me again!

I slid my black t-shirt on and struggled to put my orange trousers on as I had one leg in and hopped about my apartment like pervy sage after he had just seen a girl, before I tied my jacket around my waist, I felt to hot to wear it today.

"Yo!"

I spun around at the sudden voice, clutching my hand to my chest as I leaned against the nearest wall for support, breathing slightly heavily as I glared at the intruder…Who was sitting on my windowsill…Obviously he had come threw my window…Which is funny because I know I had closed and bolted the damn thing shut…Damn you Kakashi-sensei!

"Sorry Naruto-chan, did I scare you?"

YOU THINK?!

"Nah, of course not! I'm not scared of anything!…Wait a second…Did you just call me Naruto-CHAN?!"

Normally with suffix's and everything you'd refer to a close male friend by adding 'Kun' to the end of there name. The same with females, by adding 'Chan' to the end of her name…See why I'm ready to punch him yet?

"Of course I did Naruto-chan! You are female now!"

That taunting look on his smug, mask covered face…Were are my kunai?!

"Dammit Sensei! As soon as I find my Kunai I'm using you as target practice!" Why is it that whenever you want something…It's never were you left it?!

"Oh? You mean these?"

**DAMMIT!**

* * *

I trudged along unhappily beside Kakashi-sensei, kicking at the dirt below my feet as I dragged them along, pouting at the fact that Kakashi had demanded coming to the academy with me, something to do with the kids apparently. But I know why he's really coming…It doesn't take a genius to figure it out! How stupid does he think I am?…

"You're just coming along so you can oggle at Iruka-sensei you pervy old man."

'_bang'_

Looking over my shoulder I came to the conclusion that that was the real reason that Kakashi-sensei was coming along, because at the moment, he laid on the ground twitching violently…And upon seeing this, I grinned…largely.

I placed my hands behind my head and once again began trudging towards the academy were I would start my torture with the Uchiha…Hmm, I wonder if he still has Sake in his hair? Or maybe he's washed it out…One way to find out!

My grin became visibly bigger as I thought of another ingenious plan to humiliate Sasuke, now should I do it to him in front of Iruka-sensei and totally embarrass him, or when were on our own together so it 'sets the mood?'

"Ohio Naruto-chan, Kakashi-san!" Awww, not you too Iruka-sensei! Enough with the 'chan' thing!

My eyes began twitching as Iruka and Kakashi smiled at me both, damn them! Looking over Iruka-sensei's shoulder I noticed the bastard was there, leaning against the wall, smirking at my discomfort.

We locked gazes and I immediately mimicked the motion for pouring a drink over someone, needless to say he scowled. Oh? He was still sour about that?

Hehe, woopsies!

* * *

After the kids had left, and we had endured most of our torture, which had consisted of standing in front of the class and being examples for Iruka, we were assigned to cleaning the classrooms. You know, sweep the floors and chalkboards, tuck the chairs under, stuff like that.

I cringed as I stuck my hand into a piece of chewed up chewing gum on the underneath of one of the many desks. Looking at who's desk it was…Konohamaru's…Figures.

I let out a loud sigh, catching Sasuke's attention as I stood up and flicked my long blond-hair over my shoulder, shaking my head slightly, my like those girls from the shampoo adverts.

Looking at SasukeI saw that I had gotten his attention, so I gave him one of my cutest smiled I could muster.

He stood up and blinked at me slowly, obviously confused.

I slowly began walking over to him, still smiling. The sun had began setting outside, so it heightened the mood all the more.

I took a step forward, he took one back. How funny, he was trying to avoid me! Silly Sasuke!

"Sasuke-kun?"

Sasuke said nothing as his eyes narrowed and I saw his back hit the wall behind him. Cornered!

"What do you want dobe?"

I smiled more as I reached him and placed the palm of my hand to his chest, sure, this was making me inwardly cringe, but it was going to be worth it. I leaned forward, raising a hand to run through his raven hair, still smiling at him as are eyes locked.

"Dobe?"

"Hmm?" I was inwardly laughing my ass off at this point, his face was priceless. Oh, I am so bad! But it's just too funny to stop.

"What…What are you doing?" By now I was quite surprised he hadn't grabbed my arm and thrown me off, and it got me thinking why he hadn't…

My fingers caught in a sticky knot at the end of one of his strands and I grinned.

"Oh my god! You do still have Sake in your hair! You haven't washed it! That's so disgusting!"

I laughed loudly at this and removed myself from him. But what I had said wasn't all true, because his hair was so damn soft and silky, so soft and silky, that in fact, I wanted to set alight to it just so spite him. But obviously Sake's a buggar to get out.

I began to walk away, content at just leaving it like that, but a growling stopped me in my tracks. I immediately looked down. Nope, not my stomach…So…What was it?…Hmm…

OH SHIT! SASUKE! RUN!

I prepared to run for it, fearing for my life at the moment before I was roughly grabbed by my wrist and pushed into the wall that Sasuke was previously leaning against, a shadow looming over me.

"Sasuke! What a surprise! Fancy seeing you here!" OK, maybe joking wasn't a good idea at me as his growl deepened.

I looked up to stare into Sasuke's cerulean eyes that were boring at me intently, as though searching for something. I stood motionless as a hand reached up and ran through my blonde hair before sliding over and resting on my check, his thumb stroking it gingerly…What…WAS HE DAMN WELL DOING?!

Dammit Naruto move! Move!

Now was it me? Or was it getting awfully hot in here?

Dammit, why am I not grabbing him and throwing him off?! And why isn't my damn body listening to me?!

"Do you want to know why you cant move?" It was a low husky whisper that Sasuke whispered out, causing me to shiver against my will.

I looked at Sasuke, awaiting an answer, the damn bastard had done something to me! I know it!

"We'll, while in this female form, you look female, and part of your consciousness is going to think female…You might be Naruto Uzumaki here…" He ran his hand through my long blonde hair again and I blinked, what was he getting at?

"But everywhere else you're female! Part of you is ruled by a female's weak desires which is causing you to act like this, and is the main reason you cannot push me off or fight against me. You haveno will power because somewhere, a part of you finds me attractive in this form. All because you're female. D.O.B.E." Sasuke whispered this out all to me as I found my breath catch in my throat.

Damn ego-centric Uchiha! There's no way I'd ever find him of all people attractive! I mean for god's sake he's a guy! A freaking guy! And I'm a guy-

Okay, maybe in my head I'm a guy…but that doesn't explain why I cant move! What he just said was a bunch of bullshit!

Using all my will power, which according to Sasuke, was apparently non-existent, I shoved him off me and flip us around, much to his distaste.

"Is that the reason you're not pushing me away? Heh, your just as bad! Te'me! But Do you want to know something?" I was grinning madly as another plan formed in my head, it was obvious by now that Sasuke was trying to play me at my own game, and I wasn't about to lose!

"What?" He replied boredly, raising an eyebrow.

"Because you are ruled by a males emotions…"

I leaned up to his ear, and ran my tongue across his check, being sure to leave extra saliva as I inwardly laughed as he froze up…Yes, I Naruto Uzumaki had just licked Sasuke Uchiha, and slobbered all over him.

"You are therefore, finding that absolutely repulsive! See you Te'me!"

I laughed insanely loud as I ran through the many desks and made for the door, looking back to see Sasuke wiping the saliva off as quickly as possible, looking as though he was trying to take his skin off as he cringed.

I laughed again and waved as he looked up, smiling flirtatiously as he scowled.

"See you tomorrow! Bright and earlier! And don't forget to shower or you'll never get that Sake out!"

At that point I had fled the building as fast as I could, fearing for my life as I heard an "USURUTONKACHI!" Echo from the top class of the building.

Uzumaki Naruto: **2**

Uchiha Sasuke:** 0**

* * *

**Me:**We'll, that's it for this chapter again. How I love to make Sasuke squirm! And a big thanks to Mareo and Anime for the idea of Naruto licking Sasuke's check. Brilliant idea! Feedback again is once appreciated! Thanks everyone!


	5. Chapter 5

**Me:**Ok everyone, here's chapter 5! Thank you everyone who reviewed! You were all so kind! I'm surprised how much people seem to like this story! Hands everyone a Sasuke and Naruto plushie

**Johan:**Mermaid would once again like to take this time to thank Ranma-sensei for the amazing idea.

**Me:**Johan? What are you doing here? You're the Yugioh GX Muse dammit! Not the Naruto one! Where's Naruto and Sasuke?

**Judai:** They were busy with something, so were filling in for this chapter Mermaid-Chan!

**Me:** Busy doing what? (_suspicious glance)_

**Johan:** That we don't know…

**Me:** Interesting…So…

**Johan and Judai:** So….

**Me:** Any chance you two are going to kiss at all?

**Johan and Judai:** NO!

**Me:**Ah man! Best get on with the story then. I don't own Naruto or the characters. I only own the plot…dammit.

* * *

**Chapter 5; Pink envy.**

"Ohio Iruka-sensei!" I screamed this out as loud as I possibly could, waving my hands about in the air like a mad man, grinning as said Iruka sensei jumped and quickly moved away from Kakashi-sensei who was slightly glaring at me for ruining there 'would have been' moment.

"O-Oh Naruto-kun. Good morning!" I watched with a koi smile as Iruka began blushing, rubbing the back of his head in a nervous manner as he smiled slightly.

"Hmm…"

Looking over my shoulder, I saw Kakashi-sensei circling me slowly, a thumb on his check and his eyes scanning over my form, 'hmming' now and again, much to my irritation.

My left eye began to twitch in annoyance as his own eyes remained a little too long on my chest area.

Anger, slowly beginning to rise!

Must. Not. Hit. Sensei…

"Oi!, my face is up here baka-sensei!"

Kakashi's face wrinkled into a smile under the fabric of his mask as he finally turned to look at me.

"Still female I see."

"BAKA!"

Needless to say as soon as my fist connected with Kakashi-sensei's face he was sent flying to over and beyond. Wow, I didn't realise I had the strength. That was kind of fun…Now I understand why Sakura-chan does it so often, even if it is to my…I wonder how my beloved Sakura-chan is?

* * *

"Ok class, in today's lessons will be studying and reviewing Genjutsu and Healing techniques, so I've asked two very special Kunoichi to join us…"

I looked over curiously as Iruka beckoned the two said Kunoichi in, grinning insanely as I noticed the pink haired beauty I had tried nearly all my life to swoon…And failed…My beloved Sakura-chan.

"Sakura-chan!" I screamed out in glee as I began running down towards her, my arms outstretched. I could almost see the hearts floating in the background between us as she turned to look at me.

"Naruto? BAKA!" I tried to skid to a stop as I heard the tone in her voice that could only mean one thing.

_'SMACK'_ Yup. That's right. A punch with inhuman strength that sent me flying . Why does she always do this to me? Did she not see the hearts in the background?!

"Wow Sakura, that was further than normal…" By the tone of that voice I was guessing that that would be the second Kunoichi, Kurenai Yuhi.

And as I blinked in and out of consciousness, due to the throbbing pain in my head, courtesy of Sakura-chan, I was vaguely aware of Sasuke's face…smirking.

"Rejected again." He whispered. Why I Outta! If it weren't for the searing pain in my head I'd jump up and punch that bastard to Suna!

"SASUKE-KUN!" Oh look at that! How funny! The fangirls have found him.

* * *

"Naruto? Naruto!…NARUTO!" I was suddenly shaken awake, literally, by Sakura-chan who was looking at me in slight worry.

"Sa-Sa-Sakura-chan?"

"Iruka explained what happened. I originally thought you were just being a perverted little freak again, and I jumped to conclusions. So, I'm sorry."

Sakura just apologised…She just apologised! YATA! She does care!

"You do care…Sa-Sakura-chan!" I was on the verge of tears as I tried to reach out and hug her again.

"DOSEN'T MEAN I WONT DO IT AGAIN BAKA!" She once again raised her fist to strike me and I flinched, immediately diving and hiding behind Iruka-sensei.

"Why are you here anyway?" She asked confused, as she paused her punch and let her arm fall slowly to her side. Wait? She didn't know? But didn't she just say Iruka-sensei explained what happened? Maybe he skipped the part out about community service…

"As punishment for fighting, even if it was all the Uchiha's fault, we have community service here…" I mumbled out annoyed as I placed my hand to my side, closed my eyes and sighed in annoyance. Earning a-

"Woot! Work it Naruto Onii-chan!" From Konohamaru.

"I can understand you being here Naruto-chan. But certainly not Sasuke-kun, because he's sure not as dumb as you are to get punished! So why are you here Sasuke-kun?"

"Hn." Wow Sasuke…Very social there…

"Sasuke's here because he's secretly my bitch! Where ever I go, he follows!" I grinned as I slung my thin feminine arm over Sasuke's shoulder and once again leaned in and ran my tongue along his check. God how I loved doing that. It was so fun to watch him squirm!

"DOBE!" I was suddenly thrown into the air and looked down to see who had just thrown me. Sasuke, figures!

"NARUTO!" Looking over to the owner of that sweet angelic voice I saw something I had only saw in my dreams. Sakura-chan, running towards me.

As I landed in a very painful position on my head, Sakura was at my side in an instance.

"Sakura?" I saw Sakura smile before she knelt down and whispered in my ear-

"You lick my Sasuke-kun again…And I will kill you Naruto! Things are different now! Your female! So Sasuke could get attracted to you! So ill say this only once. Leave. Him. Alone."

Wow…Fangirls are really bitchy…Especially the pink ones!

* * *

**Me:**We'll, that's it for this chapter. Sorry it's so short. I've had a lot of things on. And I'm sorry to Sakura-chan. I don't dislike her, but I figure that would kind of be what she was like if Naruto was female and she had more rivalry, especially someone who's prettier than her. Anyway reviews are much appreciated, and ideas. Thanks a lot everyone_!_


	6. Chapter 6

**Me:** Hello everyone! I'm so very sorry for the delay! I've had some awful things going on down my end! So I'm really very sorry! I hope this makes it up!

**Naruto:** Mermaid dosen't own Naruto, but only the plot of her own creation.

**Me:** Thanks Naruto-chan!

**Naruto:** Your quite welcome...Wait a second...Did you just called me Naruto-CHAN?!

**Me: **Sure i did Naruto-chan! Your female now!

**Naruto:**...RASENGAN!

**Me:** Shit!

* * *

**Chapter 6; Ero-Sennin!**

I started everyday like I normally would…Or at least, that's what I'd like to say, because now, thanks to Obaa-chan Tsunade, I'm female, doomed to be stuck in my sexy jutsu form…All thanks to that bastard Uchiha! It was all his fault! Heck, everything is his fault! Someone brakes something, blame it on Sasuke, because I bet you somehow, it was all his fault!

So I started everyday close to what I normally would.

I brushed my hair, now long blonde…Thanks to Sasuke….And tied it up into a bun so it wouldn't get in my way.

I had Ramen for my breakfast, along with a carton or milk…It couldn't get any better than this, Ramen morning, noon and night! Ah, just thinking about my beloved Ramen makes me hungry all over again…Of course if I was male…it would be better. But my beloved Ramen is what's keeping me going…That sweet smell…Mouth watering flavour…

'_Knock Knock.'_

Ok, who the hell has just interrupted me during my Ramen thoughts?! I bet it's the damned Uchiha! Because everything is his fault! He does everything to make my life hell, he probably has a monitor on me or something, and every time my mood heightens in the slightest bit, he swoops in for the kill and 'barrage of lions' it back down…

As I mumbled to myself, mostly cursing Sasuke, I opened the door to actually reveal that it was the said bastard…What a surprise, he really has come to smack my mood back down. I reckon as soon as I started thinking about my Ramen, that monitor started going crazy, and Sasuke was all like "It's time smack down some happy-ness!"…Ok, maybe he wouldn't say that, but something similar!…Am I looking too far into this?

"Dobe…"

"If you came here, just to insult me of all things, don't be surprised when the door suddenly makes contact with your hideous face…" I mumbled out as I stared bluntly at the Uchiha, my irritation clearly seen, causing him to smirk before he did that stupid grunt thing that all the girls basically fainted at. Why the heck does he do that?! It's god damned rude! All he does is grunt, and the girls swoon all over him. If I did that I'd be smacked to oblivion!

"Look, you better have a good god damned reason for being here! Especially when you just interrupted me during one of my Ramen fantasies!"

"Dobe…Normal people don't fantasize over Ramen…Baka…" And with the sentence he had just spoke, he had left him self wide open to another one of my verbal assaults…Man, I was really bashing the Uchiha today…maybe I should let him off? Nah!

I placed a finger to my lips and looked up at him shyly, blushing slightly as I twirled my foot about innocently, being sure to keep my eyes locked with his.

"Do you fantasize about me Sa-su-ke?" I whispered shyly as I blushed more, saying his name in a playful, yet seductive manor.

Score! Uzumaki Naruto has just beaten Sasuke 5000000 points to 1! Over kill!

Sasuke's flustered and slightly pathetic face is what really made it worth it as I stared at him, a smug grin on my face before he managed to compose himself back to his normal…self…

"Usurutonkachi!…I'm here to inform you that we don't have community service today as Kakashi wants all of team seven to meet at the training grounds. Apparently it's a perfect opportunity to practise are taijutsu." I rolled my eyes at the Uchiha before I nodded slightly.

"Hai hai, give me a sec." I replied as I waved my hand at him pettily, still inwardly laughing at before as I walked into my flat, leaving the Uchiha on the door step as I rummaged around for my weapons pouch and leg holster.

Placing on of my thin legs out in front of me I bent over as I tied the leg strap around, looking out of the corner of my eye towards Sasuke, wondering what he was doing, only to find him staring at me intently again.

Are eyes met and we stared at each other for a moment, and I thought about not teasing him for a second.

"Another 'Manly' fantasy?" Not going to happen!

* * *

After awhile we reached the training grounds, and I looked about the grounds, this is were we had all passed are test that Kakashi-sensei had set us, and had all finally become team 7...how nostalgic…

As me and Sasuke walked closer, two figures came into view, and I almost immediately fell over in surprise at who one of those figures was.

"Oh my god! Kakashi-sensei's here on time! The worlds coming to an end! Were all doomed! Run back to your loved ones while you can! Sasuke! Catch me!" I cried dramatically as I faked fainting and fell backwards, expecting Sasuke to just move to the side to avoid me.

I looked up as the ground never came into contact with me, and saw Sasuke looking down at me emotionlessly and blinked…What was this smell? Something smelt really good…hmm…

It wasn't too strong, or too weak, but it smelt nice…not as good as Ramen mind you..hmm what is it…

I sniffed again, trying to figure out what it was until I realised what it was…Or whom it was on…It was Sasuke's deodorant….but damn did it smell good on him…I could quite happily stay here and smell-Woah! Hold on! Where the heck had that come from?! For the love of the hokage it was Sasuke! Gross! Gross! GROSS!

And then I realised something…Sasuke had actually caught me…Shit! The world really is coming to an end! And I haven't had my fill of Ramen yet! Ah! I must get to Ichiraku immediately!

Sasuke, just realising he had caught me…dropped me…Bastard…Maybe the worlds not quite at it's end yet…

"Ok team seven, today were going to be practicing are taijutsu, and I've asked for a special person to come along and foresee are training. So today were going to be joined by a very powerful ninja, and one of the legendary three sannin…" Please not Tsunade, please not Tsunade, please not Tsunade…

"Team, this is Jairiya." Oh thank god! Someone up there loves me!…Wait a second…Jairiya's a pervert…And I'm still in my sexy jutsu form…Pervert and sexy form…pervert and sexy form…

"Woohoo Naruto! Or should I say Naruko? I've been waiting for you my lovely! So you've finally come out of hiding to show that fine womanly figure of yours, I reckon my hands would just love to get better acquainted with it!"

'_SMACK!'_

Me and Sakura both growled in irritation as we brought are fists back, watching as Jairiya landed in a bloody mess a good five ft away from us…perverted freak! He'd think twice about trying that again, especially with the likes of Sakura around…Who was like a miniature version of Tsunade…

* * *

Somewhere during are intense training of hand to hand combat…And Jairiya's Hand to breast groping, which didn't end pretty…Sasuke had started a fight with me again…Yes, Sasuke had started it yet again, And because I'm such an upstanding ninja, I wasn't going to back down from this Bastard!

"Te'me! I'm so better than you! Even in this form!" I yelled in rage, which sounded slightly weird as it was yelled in a females voice…which still surprised me after all this time.

"Hn, a weak female like you couldn't land a single hit on me, your weak Uzumaki Naruto, mind and body!"

"What are you doing staring at my body?! Nya! Pervert!" I yelled dramatically, gaining everyone's attention, and making Sasuke even more irritated.

I smirked at Sasuke, daring him to go for me, tempting him to let his anger get the better of me, and just as he was about to, Kakashi-sensei decided to chip in his two cents…

"I'd advise again fighting Sasuke-kun, unless you want to end up like Naruto. Ah, I can almost see the beautiful ebony haired Uchiha walking the streets of Konoha, all eyes on her…"

Sasuke almost immediately stopped, and I fumed at being left without a fight before Kakashi looked at me from the corner of his good eye and glared, effectively stopping me where I stood…Damn that jounin could be scary!

"I know a way which we can settle this without any fights or arguing in a respectable manor…" Jairiya suddenly spoke, as we all looked at him curiously, even Sasuke.

"It's a known fact, that males can touch there elbows behind there backs, as it means that to do that, your very fine in body…A lot of males can do it…but can you Naruto?" I didn't exactly know where Jairiya was going with this, but he's a sannin, he knows all of the amazing training techniques! And I wasn't about to lose out to that bastard Uchiha.

Pushing both arms back I bent them as I leaned back slightly, trying to touch my elbows together before I was interrupted.

"Woohoo! Very fine body indeed! A full 10 baby!"

I suddenly realised what the perverted sage had got me to do…Upon bending my arms and leaning back, I had successfully pushed my chest out…

"You perverted son of a bit-" Before I could finish my verbal assault on Jairiya I was interrupted by a scream of furry.

"SHANNARO!" I was suddenly very aware of the burning sensation in my left check, and the floating feeling that was around me, causing me to look about to find I had just been punched a good 7ft into the air…

"How dare you flaunt your body in such away! It gives us females a bad reputation as seductive Kunoichi's!"

As I started to descend again Sakura jumped into the air, and I could see the blue chakra glowing about her fist…

"Na, na na! No Sakura-chan! It's a mistake! Just wait a sec-" I was roughly cut off by the fact that Sakura's fist had just collided with my face yet again…And as I once again dipped in and out of darkness, I knew Jairiya would soon be following by what he said.

"Your just jealous that she's got bigger breasts than you!"

"SHANNARO!"

* * *

**Me:** And that's that chapter! I do hope you enjoyed it! Once again reviews are much appreciated, as are ideas! Thanks to Mareo and Anime for this brilliant idea for Jairiya's perverted plan! you rock! Once again thanks to Ranma-sensei for the original idea for this story! you double rock!


	7. Chapter 7

**Me:** Hey everyone! Thanks so much for all your reviews and support! You guys are amazing! And a big thanks to everyone who submitted in some idea's for further chapters! Especially Evanescenceangel18 who's Shower idea is so evil and maniacally laughable that I just have to applaud her! Oh, Sasuke's going to get it good in that situation!

**Judai:** Hey Mermaid, how come you were so late in updating?

**Me:** That's a good question Judai, but a better one is what the hell are you doing in this story again?!

**Judai:** Johan! Mermaid's being mean! She doesn't want me around any more!

**Me:** Dammit Judai don't twist things! You know what Johan's like if someone upsets you-

**Johan:** Yes, we all know what I'm like...Topaz! Attack her directly!

**Topaz tiger:** It's feeding time...

**Me:** N-nice Kitty...Big kitty...

J**udai **(_smiling happily away in Johan's arms.)_ : Mermaid dosen't own Naruto or any of the characters, nor does she own us!

* * *

**Chapter 7; The gang is always accompanied by torment...**

Finally the weekend! Yes! A chance to sit on my ass and do absolutely nothing! Yup, you heard right, I Naruto Uzumaki am going to be doing absolutely buggar sod all! I mean the weekend after all is a chance to just sit and watch T.V. Right? Maybe accompanied by some pot Ramen and the joyful fact that I wont have to see that bastard Te'me for the next two days...Ah, how I love weekends!

But then I realised something, something so terrifying that I actually thought for a split second that it was worse then seeing Sasuke...It was beyond horrifying I'll tell you that...Just the mere thought got me shaking uncontrollably....

I was out of Ramen...

"Just my bloody luck...IT'S ALL THAT DAMN TE'MES FAULT!" After all, wasn't everything his fault?

And so, after straining to use my legs and stand, I proceeded on this long and very tiresome mission to retrieve my beloved Ramen, cautiously mind you, enemies could be lurking around every corner, just waiting to torment me...Mainly Sasuke...Because for some strange reason that baka was always walking the streets...Mainly at night...Alone...With no one else around...Hmm, Maybe he's secretly a stalker?

I sighed a long sigh as I stepped out into the street, raising my arm above my head to shield me from that blasted light that was tormenting me, just mocking me of the fact that I was leaving my apartment and that there was a slight chance of bumping into that ebony haired bastard...

'SMACK'

"F-Falling!" I yelled dramatically as someone bumped into me and I was sent tumbling over backwards, falling over onto my ass, in a very male like way...You know, one leg folded under the other while another was raised against me, and of course while cursing absolutely loads! Yes, if you were going to fall that was exactly how to do it! Uzumaki style!

"I-I'm s-so sorry! A-are you ok? Your n-not hurt are you?" Hmm, A high pitched slightly squeaky voice, and stuttering? This could be only one person, and as I looked up I hoped beyond all hope that she wasn't accompanied by the rest of her team.

"Nah, I'm good Hinata-chan, after all I'm going to be hokage someday! So I gotta be tough!" I smiled brightly as I pumped my fists into the air, the mere thought of becoming hokage brightening my day.

"N-Naruto?!" Hinata gasped shocked as a hand went over her mouth and she stumbled backwards, managing to bump into Kiba's chest, causing her to squeak more in surprise as Kiba chuckled.

"The one and only!" I smiled as I stood up and rubbed the back of my head, still smiling.

"U-um, I don't mean to be r-rude N-naruto-kun, but why are you...e-erm...a-a...erm...W-well...F-female?!" Ah damn...I almost forgot about that...

"I'll fill you in on that one Hinata-chan!" Kiba suddenly spoke up enthusiastically as Hinata and Shino stared at him bemused.

"You will?!" I exclaimed surprised as I raised an eyebrow at the dog boy.

"Yes! I will! You see Hinata-chan, When a person feels differently on the inside then they look on the outside, certain surgery's can be performed so they look like how they feel! In Naruto's case he obviously felt more female on the inside and wanted to change! Not that we think any differently of you Naruto, Y'know, becoming female and all, because you obviously became what you wanted to be! Screw becoming Hokage Naruto, you bloody well become a chick!" As Kiba finished his long explanation to Hinata and Shino, He proceeded to laugh richly, wiping a tear of laughter from his eye before he looked at me...

"I'm going to fucking kill you! I'll rip out your bloody eye balls dog boy and feed em to Akamaru you sick son of a bitch!" I yelled enraged as Kiba suddenly took of running with Akamaru in toe, still laughing that annoying laugh of his as I hissed and spat at him in furry, chasing him with my fists raised as I let another string of curses leave my mouth.

"I'd say the only bitch around here is you Naruto! Oh my god! You had a pissing sex change! Dude looks like a lady!" Kiba chorused back over his shoulder as he continued to run.

When I get my hands on that dog wanna-be I'm going to feed him to gamabunta! And then laugh insanely as that giant chief toad swallows him in one bite!...

Man, could my day get any worse? I knew I shouldn't of left my apartment!

* * *

I panted as I came to a stop, resting against a near by wall, as I watched Kiba's figure disappear into the distance...Damn that's not fair, using his chakra to boost his speed!

"Screw this that mutt isn't worth my time! Now on to my precious Ramen!" I smiled again at the thought of my Ramen before something...Or should I say someone caught my attention.

"What a drag..." Wow, Shikamaru's already complaining and it's not even noon! That's definitely a new record!

"Shikamaru? What's up man?" I mumbled out as I walked over to the lazy ninja who in turn looked at me and stared...

And stared...

And stared...

And stared...

"Dammit man snap out of it before I Rasengan you're ass!" Sure, I had no chakra too Rasengan him...But he didn't need to know that...And never would.

"Naruto?!"

"Who'd you think I was?! Jairiya?!"

"In that body it wouldn't surprise me in the least!...How troublesome." He declared before he turned back to look upon the front of the flower shop.

"So...What's wrong?"

"Ino's doing her hair...Women are too troublesome."

"Yer tell me about it! Sakura-chan still confuses me!" I replied as both me and Shikamaru sweet-

dropped.

"Who's talking about that little billboard brow?!" Me and Shikamaru turned and blinked at the new owner of the voice and laughed nervously towards the blonde in front of us who stood with teeth clenched, looking as though she was about ready to punch something.

"Quick change the topic!" I whispered to Shikamaru in a low hiss, suddenly fearing for my life.

"About time Ino!"...Wow...That was a real ingenious was to change the topic Shikamaru...Clearly you are a ninja of many talents...

"Ah Shikamaru is this your girlfriend?!" Oh dear god no! Don't you dare Ino! Please! For the love of the hokage's leave me alone! But at the tone of the squealing in her voice I new I had lost...And in 3...2...1...Insure more tormenting.

"Wow, she's a real looker! Such curves! I'm almost jealous!" She laughed out as she surveyed me.

"What a drag..." Dammit why was he not doing anything to clear this up?! Was he just that lazy?!

And now he's walking away?! Ok, he has seriously moved up on my hit list...

Ino giggled once more at me hyperactivly before she turned and ran after Shikamaru, chatting away to him enthusiastically about different kinds of hair products, and I swear from the distance I could make out the pulsating anger mark on his forehead.

"Ja-ne Naruto-kun! I'll be sure to tell everyone of your recent change in sex and how you have such an intimate relationship with Shikamaru!" Ino suddenly shouted back as she waved enthusiastically.

Eh?!...She knew it was me?!...3...2...1...Commence falling to the ground and twitching uncontrollably.

And as I continued to twitch on the ground in the bright sunlight I could vaguely make out Shikamaru's cry of

"DAMMIT WOMEN!"

He were so going to get married...Either to Ino...Or Temari...

* * *

**Mermaid** (who is covered in various claw marks.) T-that's it for this chapter...I think I need to lay down now...(falls over backwards twitching)

**Judai **_(signature pose):_ Got'cha!


	8. Chapter 8

**Me: Hey everyone, im so sorry about the late…very late update! I have a valid reason! Honestly!**

**Judai: Mermaid's dog stepped on her laptop and broke it…**

**Johan: Although why Mermaid was leaving her stuff on the floor to begin with…**

**Mermaid: I damn well told you Johan I did not leave it on the floor!**

**Johan: Sure ya didn't**

**Mermaid: Don't make me come over there rainbow boy!**

**Johan: RAINBOW BOY!?**

**Judai: Kick her ass in Johan!**

**Mermaid: Like he could! He's all rainbows and pretty shinny crystals!**

**Johan: That's it! (Runs and tackles mermaid down where the two begin wrestling)**

**Judai ( Gets out popcorn and begins to watch)**

* * *

**Chapter 8: Snowballs.**

Ah, what a week, I tell you, I've had nothing but hell, most likely relating to the whole "sex change" problem that everyone seems to believe. I even had Gai and lee of all people run up to me telling me I was in the springtime of my youth! What the hell our those two on!?

So as I sat here, looking out of my apartment window, I vaguely noticed that everything was well…white…

"Holy sugared toast with melons and kiwi it's freaking snowed!"

I shouted in glee as I jumped up and down. It never freaking snowed in Konoha! Ok, well maybe like two flakes but that was it, this time everything was absolutely covered in the white soft fluffy looking stuff…

Hmm, how much fun could I have with Sasuke and snow? Hmm…

Of course after I began thinking of a train of wicked and evil plans that would most likely leave Sasuke dripping wet and insanely pissed off, I was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" I yelled, too lazy to move from my seat.

"Who do you think it is usurutonkachi?!"

I sighed as I got up and opened the door, promptly raising my arm and pointing at the uchiha before screaming insanely.

"It's freaking Satan!" And then commencing to slam the door in his face. I grinned at this as I turned around and sat back down, only to be interrupted by Sasuke opening the door and walking in himself.

"Damn Sasuke, I know you want to see me, but are you really so eager to see me you'd just walk straight in?! You naughty boy I could have been in my underwear!" I giggled out as I waved my finger tauntingly at him.

"Enough with the flirting shit Naruto, we all know your sex change was jumbled your sexual preferences up, now get a move on, We have to shovel snow from the Hokage building." At this point I grabbed the nearest dish and proceeded to lob the thing at him, watching as he just ducked and 'hn'd' before walking out and leaving me fuming.

"At least I have preferences you emo bastard!" I yelled after him as I walked out and slammed the door behind me.

* * *

As we were walking I noticed all the young children throwing snowballs at each other and grinned, that looked like fun…

So as Sasuke continued to walk I proceeded to ball some of the snow in my hand tightly, grinning insanely as I threw the thing up and down before throwing it at the back of Sasuke's head, laughing insanely on the inside as it hit him and he spun around glaring furiously at me.

"Somebody's throwing stuff…"

I replied innocently as I pulled a vacant expression and continued to walk off past him sniggering before I also felt a stinging wet sensation on my back, turning around to see Sasuke throwing a snowball in the air.

"Apparently somebody's throwing stuff…" He said with a smirk as I growled at him and proceeded to reach for the snow on the nearest windowsill, reeling back as another snowball flew past my face.

"Your reflexes are slow dobe…"

"That's it…I'm going to kick your emo revenge obsessed ass in!" I yelled out as I proccedded to ball more snow in my hand and throw it at him, watching as he simply tilted to the left to avoid the snow ball, causing me to almost hiss in frustration as I thre yet another and again he dodged.

"God damn it stand still!" I yelled out at him as he just looked at me.

"God forbid you ever get your own ninja squad, they'd all be screwed." He muttered out as I growled at him, clenching the snow ball as it crushed between my fingertips.

"God forbid the day you ever get a girfriend! Teme!"

"Who says I want one?!"

"…Your gay?"

I flinched in pain as another snowball hit me in the face, this a stinging sensation erupting in my eye as I cluthced at it and got on my knee's, love of god did it sting! It wouldn't surprise me if the teme put ice in it on purpose!

"Ah, love of god Teme! Shit my eye!" I all but yelled at him as I removed my hands, keeping one eye closed as I felt a few stray tears falling down my face.

"Naruto…"

I desperatley wiped at the tears as I began rubbing again at my left eye, being irritated by it.

"Stop rubbing it you'll make it worse!" Sasuke snapped as he walked over and knelt beside me.

"and to think it would have been fine if you hadn't been such an arse!" I glared at him through my one good eye, suddenly taking note of how close he was to me, I could actually feel the heat radiating of him.

"let me see…" I felt sasuke's hand on my check as he lifted my chin to look him in the eye.

"I can't see if you don't open your damn eye baka…" Sasuke gritted out irritated.

"What if I don't want to open it?!"

"Then I'll damn well force it open!"

At this point I pouted as I slowly opened my eye and flinched slightly, how could one small shard of ice hurt so much!?

"Hmm, dosen't seem to bad, just keep your eye closed, it should melt away soon."

I briefly looked at Sasuke, noticing how close he was to my as I blushed frantically…and as I stared a grin rose on my inside.

"Usurutonkachi?" Sasuke questioned as he just stared back…

"I don't think your fan base would appriciate the situation were currently in Sa-su-ke…" I spoke playfully as Sasuke all began twitching, but none the less didn't move, his hand still on my cheek.

"What are you playing at baka?" He questioned me.

"Shouldn't I be asking you the same thing, your so close to me, you look like your about to kiss me…Is that what you want Sasuke-kun?" I spoke softly as I moved the slightest fraction closer, causing the uchiha not to move back like I thought, but actually star blankly at me.

"Yo!" All of a sudden I felt a smack to my back as I roughly fell forward, Sasuke's eyes widening as he too, topled over backwards, luckily, I remembered the incident in the academy and quickly moved my head away from the uchiha's, resulting in me landing on Sasuke with my head resting in the crook of his neck…damn he was warm…

"Am I interupting something?" That voice…that damned voice….

"Yes you damn well are!" I yelled without thinking, he'd interupted my plan!

Of course at this point I was vaguelly aware of Sasuke's arm that had somehow found itself around my waist, and as I sat up I also wondered why Sasuke wasn't throwing me off him as I sat upon his lap.

"Y-you finally admitted it! I knew both of you had a thing for each other since I first started teaching you two! The friction between you both! It was bound to happen!" Kakashi spoke…

And as I looked behind to the uchiha he nodded to me as we both got up and balled snow into our hands, hey, they weren't kunai, but they'd work.

3…2…1…comence bombing!

We both shared identical smirks and Kakashi cowered, being hit left and right with snow balls and we both pelted him as hard as we could.

"Perverted sensei! I'm going to tell Iruka that you were trying to get us to do things against our wishes!" I yelled as Kakashi soon took of running, us on tow.

"Like he'd believe you over me!" Kakashi yelled back.

"Of course he would! I'm like the son he never had!"

"You mean Daughter?"

And as Kakashi spoke these words I made a grab for the biggest icicles I could find before throwing them, watching as our goofy sensei began dodging them.

"Now now Naruto those are sharp!" He yelled out frantically as he waved his hands about.

"I know! That's why I'm using them you idiot!" I yelled as I watched Sasuke make a grab for one of them and throw them too, obviously he's pissed Uchiha of as well.

"Sasuke not you too!"

* * *

**Me: (shakily raises a hand) T-that's all folks. (Is immedeatly dragged back down by Johan)**

**Judai: Wow…Mermaid's still going strong after all that…**

**Me: (smirks) You hit like a girl Johan!**

**Johan: (smirks back) Don't make me switch places with Judai…**

**Me: Dear god no! he fights like Satan!**

**Judai: (cute smile) Cookies for all you lovely reviewers! (munches one himself)**

**Johan: (becomes distracted by Judai eating a cookie)**

**Me: (Tackles him down and pins him) Haha! I win! Thanks for distracting him Judai! We all know Johan's secretly a pervert!**

**Johan: Am not!**

**Me: Uh huh…So what thought's exactly were going through your head when Judai was eating that cookie?**

**Johan:…**

**Judai: (cute grin)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Me: Hello again viewers! Nice to see you to see you-**

**Judai: NICE!**

**Me: Thank you Judai!**

**Judai: Your welcome, so what excuse are you going to come up with this time?**

**Me: Well none, I'm going to be completely honest and say the reason I haven't updated in a long time is…well…I kinda forgot!**

**Johan: Only you could forget…**

**Me: Back off rainbow boy!**

**Johan: Oh? Were starting that again are we?**

**Me: Yer we are!**

**Johan: Sick'em Judai!**

**Me: No! not Judai! He bites!**

**Chapter 9; Sexuality**

* * *

Damn, I never knew Kakashi-sensei could move so quick! It was absolutely ridiculous! One second me and Sasuke are pelting him with snowballs, the next were staring at an empty space where he just disappeared from! I wonder if it could have been because we started using icicles instead of snowballs?…nah.

So as me and Sasuke stood staring at the vacant spot we glanced at each other before I shrugged and Sasuke turned to begin walking the other way to the Hokages office.

Must…Resist…Urge…To…Push…In…Snowdrift…

Damn why is it so difficult to resist? I mean is it because I'd like to see the look on his face as he fell face first into the snow? Or because I'd really just like to see the back of his chicken butt hair coming out of a Sasuke sized hole?

Ah screw it im going for it!…

And as I began to jog before breaking into a sprint I found a fit of madman like hysterics taking over me, which, with my high tone of voice, sounded kind of sinister…

And as Sasuke slowly turned around at my laughing, his face still devoid of any emotion, and looking as grumpy as ever, he ducked as I leapt at him, causing me to go straight over his head…

Ah hell no! If im going down he's damn well coming with me!

And as I twisted myself in midair so I was facing Sasuke, I outstretched my arm and grabbed the back of his collar, effectively dragging him with me with the face of my falling as we landed in the huge mound of snow that I had originally planned to push that grumpy chicken butt into…

Heh…Grumpy chicken butt…What an immature but oddly amusing nickname!

"Usurutonkachi, what was the point in that?…" Sasuke sighed out from above me, alerting me of our very suggestive position that we had landed in, and inside my head, the little voice began to laugh insanely as I grinned.

Propping myself up on my elbows, I briefly ran my hand up his arm which had landed by my waist, smiling softly as Sasuke looked at me, his left eye beginning to twitch slightly as I smirked…He knew what was coming.

"We'll, I had originally intended to just push you in the snow because your well…you know a bastard and all…But…I kinda like this better…Cosy isn't it?" I taunted him as I inched my body closer to him, feeling the heat radiating off of him.

"Do not start that again!" He warned me in a low growl as I fluttered my eyelashes a couple of times.

"Why? Would you punish me if I do?" I whispered out in a husky tone of voice as I giggled mischievously, staring towards the uchiha suggestively, I wasn't as naïve as everyone thought I was when it came to this kind of thing, but it was always fun to pretend I was…If they only knew the thought's running through my head! Heh!

"Usurutonkachi! Im cold and Soaking wet because of you! So do not start those idiotic mind games of yours again!" Sasuke growled out again as his eyes narrowed considerably.

So, mind games wont work hey? Guess I better up my game and start using actions rather then words! Oh god how I love taunting him! It's almost as good as Ramen! Almost!

I smiled at Sasuke again in a charming manner before I placed the palm of my hand flat up against his chest, feeling his breathing quicken slightly before I smirked and pushed, successfully flipping him over so now I was on top and he was the one staring up at me.

"You know, people often say that when your cold and soaking wet, you should remove all your clothing and share heat through skin to skin contact with someone…Sasu-Kun…" I spoke slowly and enticingly as I lent over and gave a slight tug to the front of his collar, using my soaking wet sexy jutsu form to full effect!

"Lay off Baka, im not stupid enough to fall for your stunts." Sasuke suddenly spoke as he pushed me off him and stood up, brushing himself down.

I stared amazed, that had been my A Ranked material and he had just brushed it off like it was nothing! What the freaking hell was wrong with him?

"Yer, you're obviously not straight enough either!" I yelled out to his now retreating form as he began to walk away from me, only to stop to turn and face me with a 'are you really that immature' look on his face.

"Come to think of it, you've never really shown any interest in women before, not even when Sakura and Ino basically threw themselves at you! Dude what the heck is wrong with you?" I questioned him as I stood up and walked over beside him, staring questioningly as I tilted my head to the left slightly in thought.

Was he really gay?

"Are you gay?"

And as I was continuing my train of thought it was rudely interrupted as Sasuke was suddenly leaning over me and very close to me, his face only inches from mine as his left arm was outstretched beside me, his hand on the wall above my head, while his right hand remained in his trouser pocket.

"I have to admit that the way YOU treat me, the taunts, the glances, the touches…our rivalry…they…well, let's just say there qualities I look for in someone…U-su-ru-ton-ka-chi." Sasuke whispered into my ear as he played with the word 'Usurutonkachi'

I could literally feel the body heat radiating from him because he was so close to me, his breathing tickling my ear and side of my neck, causing me to shiver as I turned my head away from his gaze and shut my eyes.

Damn this stupid female body and it's urges! He's not even freaking attractive! Well ok…maybe a little…But that's not the issue here! And OH MY GOD FOR THE LOVE OF RAMEN WHAT THE FREAKING HELL AM I THINKING?

"And I wonder what your sexuality is, when you, a man yourself, are hitting on someone the same sex as you…your body might be female…but your brain is still that of Naruto Uzumaki." Sasuke spoke as he straightened up and smirked before walking away, leaving me stunned.

Son of a bitch did he just play me? That's my freaking job! When I get my hands on him I'll-

Wait! And now he's just walking away after all that? Ah hell no!

"Kid gimme that damn drink!"

And as I grabbed the drink without waiting for an answer, totally dis-regarding the fact the kid looked like he was about to cry, I smiled victoriously as I caught up with Sasuke and poured the steaming brown liquid all over him and that chicken butt hairstyle of his, watching in satisfaction as a large dollop of cream and marshmallows fell on top of his head at the end…Hot chocolate hey?

"You might need a bath Sasu-hunny." I spoke simply as I walked past him, thinking up my major plan in my head.

Once we reached the Hokage's office, she'd take on look and me and Sasuke, both of us wet…some more than others…And send us straight of to the hot springs to get cleaned up before we started work! And once we got to those said hot springs, things would get very hot and steamy indeed!

I, Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage of Konoha, Will never lose to the likes of Sasuke Uchiha…Never!

* * *

**Me: (bitten and bruised) Thanks for reading folks! Reviews will be much appreciated as they will help to ease the pain Judai and Johan have just inflicted-**

**(passes out from pain)**

**Johan: I'm sure mermaid will be trying to update more regularly, if not…well…more persuasive actions will be taken by us…and not the yaoi kind…**

**Judai: Reviews please!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Me:** Hey guys, another chapter and more torture for Sasu-bunny!

**Johan: **We hope you all enjoy!

**True nature of the jutsu.**

* * *

**Chapter 10; Hot springs and Uchiha?**

"Why is it this doesn't surprise me?" Tsunade spoke as she surveyed a wet and very chocolate Uchiha, (mind out of the gutters Sasuke fangirls!) turning to face me with a raised eyebrow as I turned my head away from the Uchiha, my blonde ponytails swishing as I pouted and 'Hmph'd'.

"You take away my Jutsu, You imprison me in this form! Make me do community service! And then blame me over the fact that Uchiha's messed himself! That's so not fair!" I whined out, completely disregarding the fact that I had been the one to 'mess' the said Uchiha…Hey that bastard damn well deserved it!

"Naruto…"

"This is so uncalled for!"

"Naruto…"

"I mean this whole mess is his fault! I'm the victim here! He should be the one getting punished not me! Talk about favourites!" I began one of my speeches, hoping beyond all hope that it'd be one of those rare occasions when Obaa-Chan Tsunade would cave in and at least let me take of this stupid form!

"UZUMAKI ONE MORE WEEKS COMMUNITY SERVICE!"

DAMN IT! Why me? God damn it for the love of all Ramen why does everyone keep picking on me?

And as I turned to face Sasuke I saw the slight twitch of his lips as he began to smirk, causing my anger to rise.

"Te'me…" I growled warningly as my teeth gritted and my fist clenched. You just wait Sasuke as soon as your not looking I'm going to smack that stupid smirk right of your hideous face!

"It's not my fault that after all these years you haven't learnt to keep your mouth shut." Sasuke replied cockily as he looked at me from the corner of his eye and the smirk finally manifested itself on his face…Damn him!…

"Uchiha another weeks service as well!" Tsunade suddenly barked out, causing me to grin as I faced Sasuke, my eyes slanting in slight cockiness.

"What? What for?"

Wow, I think this is the first time I've heard Sasu-bunny complain, heh, I knew there was a reason why I liked Tsunade Baa-chan!

"For antagonizing Naruto! Not both of you too the hot springs to clean up!"

"YATA!" I yelped with joy! My plan was working! Oh I cant wait till we get there! Your in for hell Sasu-kun!

"Hmph"

I grinned as Sasuke walked out, skipping out behind him in joy as we walked towards the exit of the hokage building, hearing the faint murmurs of Shizune and Tsunade as we walked away from the hokage's room.

"Was Naruto just skipping?" Yes I damn well was!

"Hokage's give me strength…" Was Tsunades tedious reply as I grinned more, ah things were about to get very interesting…

* * *

I hummed happily as I walked…Ok skipped along side Sasuke…Yer so what? I'm still skipping! Anyway I turned to face him with a coy smile as he looked at me from the corner of his eye and twitched slight, he knew something was going to happen…Like a calm before the storm…And let me tell you he's going to be in for one hell of a ride!

"Good morning! Welcome to the hot springs!" I heard the hot spring hostess call as we walked in, causing me to smile as she looked at me and her eye twitched…

She knew exactly who I was and exactly how many times I had attempted to get into the female hot springs in this form.

"Ohio!" I called back as I waved madly with still the same grin, watching as the hostess sighed and rolled her sleeves up, balling her hand into a fist.

"How many times am I going to have to remove you from the premises Naruto?" She growled out as she walked over to me and cracked her knuckled.

"M-mate! I can explain! I'm not here to get into the girls bath!" I yelled frantically as Sasuke shot me a disbelieving look.

The hostess stopped, crossing her arms as she began to tap her foot at a fast pace.

"Honestly Hokage-sama imprisoned me in this form for punishment!…although I didn't do anything…I'm freaking stuck like this! And then she sent me and Sasuke up here to get cleaned up as as you can see Sasuke's had a bit of an accident in an unrelated hot chocolate incident that I had absolutely nothing to do with!" I nodded at my speech before smiling and petting the irritated Uchiha on the head, making sure his hair was still sticky from the hot chocolate.

"Is this true?"

"Unfortunately" Sasuke replied as he batted my hand away, getting more irritated by the second.

"Well even so I'm still not letting you into the women's bath!"

"That's fine!" I yelled happily as I ran into the guys, hearing Sasuke mutter 'I'll make sure he behaves himself' You can try my dear Sasu…but you'll fail miserably!

I grinned as I saw Sasuke enter before he walked over to one of the many baskets that were kept on the shelves, pulling out some towels and placing them on the stool beside him before he reached down and began to pull his grey top off.

Pulling up a near by stool I sat down upon it as I placed a leg over the other and lent my elbows on my legs, leaning over as I laced my fingers and knelt my chin on them, staring intently as he suddenly froze and became slightly rigid, obviously uncomfortable before he turned to face me with an irritated look.

"Oh don't mind me! Please, continue!" I spoke as I waved a hand towards him, becoming him to resume his 'strip', giggling as Sasuke turned around and growled.

I started watching again, insane grin manifested as I cupped my hands around my mouth, inhaling a deep breath before shouting as Sasuke had his shirt of midway.

"WOHOO TAKE IT OFF!" Effectively causing Sasuke to twitch before he threw his grey top into the basket and stamped his way over to me, leaning down and slamming a hand against the wall behind my head…again…how many times has he done this to me? Getting into my personal space? He must really love being this close to me! I mean who wouldn't?

"Can you not stop this ridiculous immaturity for five minutes?" He growled out into my face as I smiled sweetly and in the mushiest tone I could muster replied-

"You have beautiful eyes!" Effectively answering Sasuke's question as he sighed and straightend up, allowing me full view of his chest which was toned beyond belief…DAAAAMMMNNNN…I mean damn thoughts get out of my freaking head!

"Baka stop gawking at me and hurry up so we can get back to work!" Sasuke growled out as he hit me over the head, jolting me back to my senses as I smirked.

"Why? That eager to see me naked?"

And suddenly Sasuke's face flushes slightly as his eyes widened somewhat…Oh how funny he's only just realised! Not so smart now are you Sasuke?

He eye'd me warily before turning away and wrapping a long white towel around his waist, shimmying out of the rest of his garments rather awkwardly, causing me to snicker slightly as I'd make him self-conscious earlier when I'd been watching him.

I laughed light heartedly, he was always fun to tease, and thinking of this got me smiling soft heartedly as I stared as his retreating form before he stopping and glanced at me from the corner of his eye.

"What?" He answered gruffly.

"Nothing…I'm just glad you came back to Konoha…"

And then he said the one thing I thought I'd never here.

"Well…I'm glad you bought me back." Before he quickly walked into the baths before I smiled and shrugged slightly…Might as well ruin the moment like I normally do!

"Baka don't come out here naked!"

"It's a bath stupid Uchiha!"

* * *

**Me:** Well hope everything was ok! If there was any mistakes please don't hesitate to tell me!

**Judai:** Your awfully happy…Normally you would of insulted Johan ten times by now! Because your in a bad mood…

**Me:** I've just come back from a huge convention so nothing can put me down! Even criticism!


	11. Chapter 11

True Nature of the Jutsu

**Me:** Hey everyone, hope you all had wonderful Christmases! Sorry for the late update…again…I know I need to update sooner, and I really should…I just never get round to it…so once again sorry and I'll get on with the start of the story!

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**Chapter 11**

**Sai vs Sasuke.**

I sat in the baths opposite Sasuke, watching the way the steam seemed to distort things and sighed in contentment, the hot water felt so good! And as I began to hum happily, I glanced a peak at Sasuke who was leant again the side of the stone bath walls, arms stretched atop the walls and eyes closed in what he'd say was relaxing but what I'd say was resisting the urge to take a peak at me.

I contemplated my next move of torture on Sasuke, trying to think of many embarrassing and humorous ways in which I could exact my revenge…But all my mind kept drifting too was the thought of mizo pork charka ramen!…mmm…Ramen…

And while thinking of revenge and ramen a low pitch yell broke our tranquil break.

Turning to the noise I surveyed the twitching man face first on the floor, legs in the air twitching, surrounded by a pool of blood that ran from his nose.

"How many is that now?" I asked Sasuke as he cracked an eye open and sighed before sinking lower into the waters.

"That's the twelfth."

"Daaaaamn I think I broke my record!…Who knew so many perverts lived in Konoha!" I grinned out as I faced Sasuke who stretched before closing his eyes again and 'hmming' slightly to my statement.

"You know…With how relaxed you are I could basically molest you…" I spoke out innocently as this time Sasuke actually opened both eyes and stared at me intently for a moment…leaving us staring at each other in silence before he moved his lips and replied.

"Don't even try it." He mumbled irritated before he straightened up and crossed his arms across his chest.

"Who said I wanted too?" I huffed back as I looked away.

"…You just did baka…"

"T-Teme shut up!"

"Ohio Naruto-kun, Sasuke-kun."…That emotionless tone of voice…No…It couldn't be!

And as I turned around and stared into the emotionless eye of the other member of team seven I mentally shivered…Sai…

"O-Ohio Sai." I spoke out warily as I immediately shifted away from him as he came to sit by me in the baths…He always made me uncomfortable…ever since that time we were on a mission and he put his arm around me and pulled me to him…Creep!

"Wow! You really don't have a penis!"

I'M GOING TO RIP HIS FREAKING THROAT OUT!

"Sai!" I growled out as I prepared to lunge for him, only to yelp in surprise as a pair of hands suddenly appeared on my breasts.

"My Naruto what big breasts you have! That cant be normal! I mean guys don't normally have breasts do they?"

"Dammit Sai stop playing stupid! No they don't have breasts! Not unless there Chouji! Now let go before I sever you limb from limb!" I yelled at him in a shrill voice as I squirmed to get out of his grasp, making sure not to squirm too much so I didn't lose the towel that Sasuke had insisted I wear.

"I think you should release Naruto now."

Me and Sai stopped our momentary fighting and stared at the now growling Sasuke who had stood up on the other side of the baths, fists clenched.

Sure I knew Sasuke never liked Sai, maybe because I continuously taunted him with the fact that Sai replaced him, but sheesh! If looks could kill Sai would be floating upside down on the waters surface dead!

"Now why should I do that?" Sai questioned, same emotionless smile on his face…If I just reach my arm around maybe I can scratch it off his face and- GAH! Bad idea! Nearly lost the towel!

"Because as he's a member of team seven I don't like it when people take advantage of him-"

Awww Sasuke you do care!

"-if he looks weak it reflects upon the rest of the team and makes us look weak too!"

You hairy bastard Uchiha! For once cant you smack your giant ego out of the way and say that as I'm your rival, friend and of course…secret lover heh…You don't like it when others make me suffer! Hmm, I should tell him that, it would make him very uncomfortable, especially the secret lover part…

"Ah but Sasuke-kun, I'm a member of team seven too!" Sai spoke as Sasuke's fist clenched harder and his teeth gritted…I wonder how mad he'd get it I just whipped his towel off there and then…Nah…Better not, it'd only give Sai something else to comment on and knowing Uchiha he'd take it to heart.

"You…Will never be apart of team seven…You were just a stand in. Now unhand Naruto before I make you!" Sasuke growled out as he began to stride over, standing in front of me, and love of god if anyone walked in right now this situation would be very questionable!

"Oh Sasuke-kun is that a challenge?" Sai asked as he waggled a finger as Sasuke, taunting him further…Must resist urge to snap and break finger…

Now don't get me wrong, Sai's fine…But love of ramen there's only so much a guy can take!

"Hai. It is!" Wait what Sasuke's actually going to fight him over me?…Aw how sweet!

And then if that happens I can grass them up to the hokage and get both of them doing more of Tsu-baa-chans punishments! Two birds with one stone! My god that's be ever better than ramen!

"Well as it is I'd rather not fight you in your weakened state…I'll let you be, and don't worry, you can have your precious Naruto back…I wont take him away from you…Not yet anyway." Not yet? PRECIOUS? What the hells going on here? And why isn't there any fighting going on? Not like Sai could win against Sasuke even if Sasuke's chakra is sealed! And oh my love of ramen why am I taking Sasuke's side?

Finally Sai released me and sat back down as I pulled my towel closer around me, looking down at sai with an eye twitching.

"Pervert."

"Hai." What the fudge he even agrees? Does he have no emotions what so ever?

So there I was, sweet dropping to myself when suddenly the Uchiha grabs my wrist and pulls me over to the other side of the baths with him, pulling me down as he sat down so I was next to him.

What the hell is going on with today? It's got to be one of the biggest screwed up days ever! I mean what's gotten into Sasuke? He's acting so weird!

"Um hey-"

"You stay here with me so I can keep an eye on you and make sure you don't cause any more problems! Because I've had enough of them for the day!"

SON OF A BITCH IM GOING TO DROWN HIM!

And with that thought in mind I went to reach for the back of Sasuke's head to dunk him in, smiling smugly before my arm was grabbed and pinned behind my back as I was suddenly turned around…Damn his reflexes!

"Nice try dobe!" Sasuke smirked out as I also let out an identical smirk.

"Sasuke…"

"What?"

"your groping my breasts!" And with this I proceeded to yell at the top of my lungs in the shrillest tone I could muster-

"OH MY GOD RAPE!" And, having the desired effect, Sasuke immediately let go.

"Oh my that looked fun! Could I rape Naruto too?"

"NO SAI!" Me and Sasuke yelled in perfect unison.

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**Me:** Well that's it for this chapter folks, hope you all enjoyed, and no offence to Sai because I adore him too! Bur I got the feeling Sasuke wouldn't. Anyway thanks for reading!


	12. Chapter 12

**Me:** Hey guys, once again sorry for the late updates! Bah! Work and then a new puppy and college is a real time killer! Anyway here's a nice extra long chapter to keep my lovely readers happy! And remember…smile…it confuses people! :)

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**Chapter 12**

**In sickness and in health.**

So there we were, after our nice hot baths, slaving away in the freezing cold trying to clean the hokage faces. I was freezing my ass off in this weather! And it didn't help that my hands were slowly going numb from the freaking cold.

I slowly breathed into them to try and warm them up and keep the frost bite away before glancing at the hokage face and snickering to myself slight, grinning at one in particular that had a huge icicle formed on the nose.

"What now dobe?" Sasuke questioned as he paused in his work and glanced at me, staring at my grinning face, causing me to laugh even more before I pointed to the faces.

"Tsunade Baa-chans got a huge ass boogar!" With this I actually broke out into hysterics as Sasuke sighed and shook his head.

"Still the same…"

"What was that?" I replied as I pouted and raised my fist, causing Uchiha to smirk.

"I said you're the same immature, irresponsible, idiotic, simple minded, big mouthed loser you were when we first met!" Sasuke replied cockily, putting emphasis on every insult.

So of course I did the first thing that came to mind. I grabbed that Uchiha's scarf, pulled as hard as I could, effectively causing him to choke slightly before he fell over backwards.

"TIMBER!" I yelled out across Konoha, getting many glances from people below me as I watched Sasuke hit the metal flooring with a crash. Wow, and I thought with his so called "reactions" and with him being from the "powerful" Uchiha clan he'd at least of been able to land gracefully!…Apparently not…Hold on…Hadn't he been holding a bucket of water a moment ago?…

Looking up I grinned before falling over in a fit of hysterics as I watched the bucket come hurtling back down, throwing cold water all over Sasuke, the bucket landing on Sasuke's head with a 'thud'

"Oh dear god call Tsu-baa-chan! I cant breathe properly!" I laughed out as I actually started hyperventilating.

"U-SU-RU-TON-KA-CHI!" Ah crap…

Shit I need ammo! Dammit! What can I use? Dammit think uzumaki think!

And as I stared in horror as Sasuke pulled the bucket of and threw it to the side, standing up and looming over me intimidating, I did the first thing that came to mind…I grabbed my bucket of water and chucked it into the stunned Uchiha's face.

"Wow, this is almost as fun as going on a water ride! It's got thrill, excitement! All the best bits! Except I just don't get soaked!" I yelled gleefully as I jumped up, spun around quickly and promptly began to jump down from the monument, being careful not to slip on any ice as I looked back and saw the enraged Uchiha chasing me, reaching for his kunai's that he didn't have out of habit, causing me to smirk as he let out an aggravated growl…But damn was he fast.

* * *

And that's how it all started out, and how I had ended up standing in front of the Uchiha dominion known as hell with a steaming bowl of soup and plenty of medical supplies from Sakura and Tsunade…Apparently running about in the freezing cold when your already soaked through can lead to the flu…who knew? If I had known it was this easy to take that bastard down I would of done it sooner!

So yer, I stood there, cursing under my breath as I was ordered by the hokage to nurse the Uchiha back to health as part of my community service, I vaguely had an idea of appearing in a very short and revealing nurses outfit to really torture Sasuke, but it was like Tsunade had read my mind and forbid me from doing it!

I sighed, inhaling deeply the smell of the soup, my mouth watering slightly at the aroma…damn did it smell good! I wonder if Sasuke would mind if I just ate it?

"This is so not worth the whole water incident, if I'd known I'd have to step into hell I never would of done it…no wait…that's a lie…Seeing his face when he was splashed with water was a thing of beauty! And worth every torturous moment!…But the thought of being near that snot oozing Uchiha isn't pleasant!" I began to mumble to myself as I mulled things over, completely disregarding the fact the front door had just opened.

"Dobe…"

"And he's going to be sneezing and coughing mucus all over the place…"

"Dobe…"

"And all weak and helpless, and vulnerable…Hmm…Maybe I should tell his fangirls he's hot, sweaty and vulnerable? Ah that'd be hilarious to watch!"

"DOBE!"

"WHAT? CANT YOU SEE IM THINKING HERE? AND OH MY FREAKING GOD YOU LOOK RANK!" I yelled back as I pointed at Sasuke, taking in his appearance. Sasuke was leant against the door frame, rubbing at his temples, paler then Sai if that was even possible, with a thin sheen of sweat on him, his raven hair clinging to his flushed cheeks from sweat and his lips tinged slightly blue and he panted slightly. ..This has to be the first time I've ever seen him with cheeks that flushed…He looks kina cute- Dammit Uzumaki smack yourself for such thoughts! You're a sick sick individual Uzumaki! Kill yourself now for thinking such things!

"No, don't get me wrong, you always look rank, but today your like rotting corpse that's been left in the summer sun for over a month rank…"

I replied as I looked him up and down…He really didn't look good.

"What do you want? I've already got a headache, I don't need another one." Cheeky son of a bitch! Just for that I'm going to make his life even more miserable! There's no way I'm going to let him get away with this!

"For your information I don't want to be here! Tsunade sent me to look after you as part of my community service! I'd rather be scrapping dog crap up from the Inuzuka household then spend a day with you!" I spat out as I placed the soup down so I could place my hands on my hips, turning my head away from him as I pouted once again.

"Then just leave, I'm not exactly ecstatic about the idea of you being here so just go, I'm not about to tell anyone." Sasuke spat out irritated before a coughing fit overtook him and he clutched the door frame tightly for support, his breathing ragged as he tried to intake air between his coughs.

And although I hated the thought of being anywhere near that egotistical bastard I felt a slight pang of sympathy as I sighed, picked up the soup with one hand and looped the Uchiha's arm around my back as I helped him inside, slamming the door shut with my foot looking at Sasuke who was still coughing…I wonder if he'd suffocate?…

Shaking the thoughts out of my head I placed the soup on the side before placing my free arm around the Uchiha's waist to balance him properly before helping him to his room.

"Come on, before you only get worse and fall down dead. If that happened who would I have to spar against? Besides, Tsunade's probably sent someone to tail me to make sure I'm doing my job, it wouldn't surprise me if we walk into you room to find Ino licking your windows." I mumbled out as I heard Sasuke actually try and hide a chuckle through his coughing.

"Just remember to cough and sneeze AWAY from me."

"Baka…"

"Don't think for a second I wont drop you here and leave you to die." I growled out threateningly as I moved my hand from his waist briefly, causing him to stumble and me to smirk as he glared at me weakly.

"Don't get any ideas dobe!"

"I don't know what your talking about! It's not like I'd defile you during your sleep, or draw on your forehead in permanent marker, spit in your soup, put curry powder in your tea, cut your hair so you were bald, let all your fangirls in…Nope! I wouldn't do that! The most I'd to is stare at you while you sleep…and possible let Ino in to braid your pretty hair with lots of pink flowers…Ah you'd be so beautiful!" I replied as I faked wiping a tear away, grinning at all the ideas that were passing through my mind, eyes slanting and becoming very Cheshire like with intentions.

"Get. Out." Sasuke blankly spoke as he looked at me from the corner of his eye.

Aw poor Sasu-squirrel was actually worried I might try something! I'm glad I make him react like this…best feeling in the world in the contentment I get from riling him up!

"Aw come on Sasu-puppy you love me really!" I spoke as Sasuke sighed, jiggled the handle open on his bedroom door and paused to look at me.

"Quite the opposite, I loathe you actually. I'm guessing being in this form has caused your brain to muck up."

"Wow, I see being ill hasn't weakened your asshole abilities!" I mumbled as I guided him over to a rather plan looking white bed…did a bit of colour ever hurt?

And as I stared around the room that was darkened by thick black curtained I took note on the things in his room…or lack of.

I swear to god with how dark it was in here if Sasuke activated his sharingan he'd look like a freaking vampire!

"If I open the curtains what are the odds of you bursting into flames from direct sunlight?"

"What?" Sasuke looked at me like I was some retarded ninja, eye twitching slightly as if just waiting for the stupid comment I'd reply with..

"Well you know, with being a demon from hell and everything I thought direct sunlight might just kill you…" I replied as I pulled a thoughtful expression.

"Baka…" was his tiresome reply as he pulled himself onto his bed, falling onto his pillow and placing the back of his hand to his forehead in exasperation.

I grinned as this before pulling up a stool and sitting down upon it, placing my head in my hands and staring intently at him like one of his fangirls, I knew this was bound to irritate him slightly, and within a couple of minutes the Uchiha cracked open and eye and stared at me.

"Usurutonkachi what are you doing?"

"Silly Sasu-kitty I'm watching you sleep!…you look so peaceful…" I trailed off in a childish high pitched voice.

"Baka, as if that would irritate me. Nice try." I continued to stare at him, making my eyes glisten like most of his fangirls as he continued to stare right back, our eyes looking in a staring contest to see who'd crack first.

Go on Uchiha, have another coughing fit and die so I win!

"Baka…"

"What?" I didn't move my eyes for a second, and I moved to the edge of my seat and leant closer to try and put him off by creeping him out.

"Your about to fall of your seat." And as I leant further, effectively losing my balance, I promptly fell of my seat, breaking eye contact and hearing a 'heh' of victory from Sasuke.

"Te'me!" I growled out as I picked myself up and glared at him over the bed, beginning to smack that smirk off his face.

Him and his damn cockiness! How on earth do the girls find him attractive? I mean sure he was strong, well built and good looks, but he was a total ass at heart!

I mean I'm strong, well built, good looking and totally amazing but they don't bat an eyelid at me!

I glared at Sasuke more as I stood up and made for the door.

"Kitchen?" I questioned with a slight edge to my voice.

"Down the hall, second to the right…your being awfully helpful…"

I stared at Sasuke's vacant expression, eye twitching as my teeth gritted. Never in million years would I actually do this if I wasn't forced.

"Quite the opposite. I just want to get the hell away from you!" I growled out as I turned around, my long hair swishing behind me as I stormed out and made my way to the kitchen, grabbing the soup container as I looked at the kitchen and how clean everything was…what a neat freak he seriously needs to get out more…find a girl…restore his clan…

And that's when a thought his me, right smack bang in the face, like BAM! And I'm sure Sasuke would be able to hear the insane evil laughter coming from the kitchen…along with all the plates crashing and choruses of "bloody hell that's freaking hot! Why is it turning green? Is that fluff on the top?…eh he wont notice!"

* * *

It took me all of just over half an hour just to warm his soup up, of course I had to taste test it to make sure it wasn't poisoned, but as Sasuke stared as the half a bowl of soup and back at me, he didn't seem to understand the fact that I had to taste test it!

"Dobe…What is this?"

"Don't look at me! Tsunade-baa chan made it! It tastes fine though!" I spoke as he picked up the spoon and tentatively took a taste, blinking slightly before he took another spoonful.

"Hm, guess your right."

"I'm always right! Dattebayo!" I grinned out as I held a thumbs up for a couple of minutes until Sasuke had a good mouthful of soup and I put my plan into motion.

"So I think you should repopulate your clan with me."

And having the desired effect, Sasuke immediately began choking on his soup as I grinned, patting him on the back.

"Breath man BREATH!" I yelled out as Sasuke finally stopped choking and glared at me.

"what? It's a good idea isn't it? I mean were both powerful ninja! Think how powerful your clan would be! I mean I'm a women, you're a man, we have needs dammit! And when your close rivals like us it's natural that we'd want to do one another!" I began trailing off, inwardly cringing at the idea as I sat down on Sasuke's bed and placed a hand on his leg, smiling slightly as I continued.

"Dobe-"

"When a man and a women-"

"Dobe-"

"Share there love in a passion filled explosion!-"

"Dobe-"

"I mean with you kunai and my shuriken, if we join them-" And as I was about ready to finish my sex education story of the kunai and shuriken, it was then with lightning fast reactions, that Sasuke moved forward, the soup clattering to the ground, grabbed the back of my head and slammed his lips against mine, leaving me stunned and speechless as he pulled away.

"Finally some peace and quiet!" He exclaimed as he laid back down and sighed dramatically.

Son of a bitch did he just…No way…that's so wrong! It's a meant to be me making him cringe not the other way around!…and yet I'm not cringing…what the frick!

"We'll if you wanted some freaking quiet why didn't you just slap a hand over my mouth like you normally do you freaking frick!" I yelled out angrily as I abruptly stood up and began spitting everywhere, showing my dislike for what he just did.

"Because that way I could shock you into silence for a bit and also transfer my germs over to you, hopefully making you ill later on and ensuring me some peace and quiet in the near future. U-su-ru-ton-ka-chi…"

I'm going to fucking kill him! I'll sever his head, turn him into mince meat, make burgers out of him and feed him to his fangirls!…wow…that was kind of dark…

And as I looked at Sasuke I saw the smirk on his face, he was trying to rile me up the bastard! Ok Naruto, calm down, think of Ramen…mmm, mizo pork…

And as I breathed calmly I brushed myself down and flicked my hair, choosing for once not to let Uchiha get to me.

"yer well whatever. I better report to the Hokage. There's water over there with some aspirin." I replied calmly as I pointed to the far end of the room where I'd left the jug of water, glass and the aspirin, before walking over to the door and turning to face Sasuke.

Ah what the hell might as well leave with a bang!

"Oh and Sasuke-kun?"

"What?" He spat out.

"I Haven't finished my talk on making Uchiha babies! I look forward to our next passion filled moment! Oh what until I tell Sakura and Ino that you kissed me! Gosh there going to be so excited!"

And with that I proceeded to wink and blow Sasuke a kiss sexy jutsu style before I left.

Score another point to Uzumaki Naruto!

…And maybe just one to Sasuke…

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**Me:** Ok guys that's it! Feedback would be much appreciated! And thanks for reading!


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